So when I was over at my in-laws' this weekend, my MIL handed me a section of the paper about stairs. It was all these pictures of runners on various of staircases and an article about spicing up your staircase with a snazzy runner. Did y'all see it? When she handed it to me, she said, "Here. I saved this for you. You're the only person I know who has stairs."
Really? Now I know that MIL lives a sheltered life of suburban homogeneity, but am I really the only person she knows who lives in a two-story house? Does she really associate only with people who live in 1970's-era ranches? I honestly wouldn't put it past her, and that is freakin' bizarre.
So I've decided that from now on, I'm only going to associate with people who live in center hall colonials...it was nice knowin' ya, b*tches!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Julep: Monday funnies
I am very excited to see lots of good blog reading since I last logged on ... last week was pretty hectic at the office. Before I get to it, I have two fun things to offer y'all:
(1) http://awfulfirstdates.com/ Oh yes, it's a new website for us to cackle over. And I think we have a certain lurker on this blog who has a few contributions of her own to make. Can we all recall the Valentines movie with parents?
(2) Who didn't love Sweet Valley High? I am proud to report that I scored 9 out of 11, and one of the two I got wrong was really a mental lapse, I totally knew the answer.
By the way -- I am anxious to hear about LoLa's Antique Uterus scan. And to report on my own stuff ... Mr. J's test results came back and he is normal to above average on all counts. You could hear his sigh of relief three counties away. So now it's my turn again, and I am headed back to the gyn later this month to see what other tests she might want to run on me. Since I know that I am not going to do IVF, I am not sure what's feasible ... we'll find out. Hey, how 'bout I just get knocked up this month and we skip all this?
(1) http://awfulfirstdates.com/ Oh yes, it's a new website for us to cackle over. And I think we have a certain lurker on this blog who has a few contributions of her own to make. Can we all recall the Valentines movie with parents?
(2) Who didn't love Sweet Valley High? I am proud to report that I scored 9 out of 11, and one of the two I got wrong was really a mental lapse, I totally knew the answer.
By the way -- I am anxious to hear about LoLa's Antique Uterus scan. And to report on my own stuff ... Mr. J's test results came back and he is normal to above average on all counts. You could hear his sigh of relief three counties away. So now it's my turn again, and I am headed back to the gyn later this month to see what other tests she might want to run on me. Since I know that I am not going to do IVF, I am not sure what's feasible ... we'll find out. Hey, how 'bout I just get knocked up this month and we skip all this?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Twinkle: It's Never Enough
So I thought I'd be a good daughter-in-law. We went over there for breakfast today, and I decided to stay for the morning and let Twinklette play with her grandparents, aunt, and cousin, even after Mr. Twinkle left for the UK game. We stayed from like 8:30 a.m. until noon, and lots of quality family playtime was had by all. I thought I'd win some extra brownie points for staying to hang, but of course it wasn't enough. It never is.
Basically I have been waiting all weekend to see Mr. Twinkle and have some quality family time with just Mr. Twinkle, Twinklette, and me...I don't think an hour to ourselves over the course of a weekend is too much to ask for. We had lunch Friday with my in-laws, a huge family dinner followed by a dessert open house with the fam on Friday night, then Mr. Twinkle went out with his high school friends who were in town, then we had lunch yesterday with the fam again. My mom came yesterday afternoon post-naptime and we went to a wedding last night (very fun...but still one more thing on the agenda) and I spent the morning at my in-laws' today while Mr. Twinkle went to the game.
I thought I'd already put in my time, so the three of us could do something fun and low-key tonight. I was feeling the Sol Aztecas or Queen of Sheba. Maybe a little family ice cream excursion to round out the weekend.
I was sorely mistaken. I found out from my FIL that we're expected at the Sunday night dinner tonight. Apparently every weekend mealtime (with the exception of the wedding last night) is not enough for them this weekend. You see, Buddy's in town. (Buddy's a totally random long-haired aging rocker dude who lives away somewhere. I've been hanging out with this family since circa '04 and never met Buddy until like a year ago. But now he's in town and I'd better d*mn well be there to go to Tony Roma's with him). Nothing against Buddy, but I kind of had a different vision for how the night would go.
The Twinkle Sucks vs. All Moms Suck tally is in: MIL really thinks all moms suck, including her own perfect example of a daughter. FIL and GMIL made statements that most normal people would, such as, "She wants her mommy," but I have never heard them say that about Twinklette wanting me, so I guess they still think I suck (when Twinklette was that age and cried, my FIL would say, "She's crying because she wants her grandpa"--they all would do that, actually, and it used to make me so mad. No one said that this weekend...if she was crying, they'd admit that she probably wanted her mommy). Then there was all GMIL's talk of separation anxiety. Based on the evidence, I'd say that FIL and GMIL think SIL is doing a good job (which is more credit than they ever gave to me), and MIL still thinks she's the only person who can get the job done.
Gotta go. I've got just a few hours of downtime before the big dinner with Buddy. (Or before I skip town with my kid and never look back).
Basically I have been waiting all weekend to see Mr. Twinkle and have some quality family time with just Mr. Twinkle, Twinklette, and me...I don't think an hour to ourselves over the course of a weekend is too much to ask for. We had lunch Friday with my in-laws, a huge family dinner followed by a dessert open house with the fam on Friday night, then Mr. Twinkle went out with his high school friends who were in town, then we had lunch yesterday with the fam again. My mom came yesterday afternoon post-naptime and we went to a wedding last night (very fun...but still one more thing on the agenda) and I spent the morning at my in-laws' today while Mr. Twinkle went to the game.
I thought I'd already put in my time, so the three of us could do something fun and low-key tonight. I was feeling the Sol Aztecas or Queen of Sheba. Maybe a little family ice cream excursion to round out the weekend.
I was sorely mistaken. I found out from my FIL that we're expected at the Sunday night dinner tonight. Apparently every weekend mealtime (with the exception of the wedding last night) is not enough for them this weekend. You see, Buddy's in town. (Buddy's a totally random long-haired aging rocker dude who lives away somewhere. I've been hanging out with this family since circa '04 and never met Buddy until like a year ago. But now he's in town and I'd better d*mn well be there to go to Tony Roma's with him). Nothing against Buddy, but I kind of had a different vision for how the night would go.
The Twinkle Sucks vs. All Moms Suck tally is in: MIL really thinks all moms suck, including her own perfect example of a daughter. FIL and GMIL made statements that most normal people would, such as, "She wants her mommy," but I have never heard them say that about Twinklette wanting me, so I guess they still think I suck (when Twinklette was that age and cried, my FIL would say, "She's crying because she wants her grandpa"--they all would do that, actually, and it used to make me so mad. No one said that this weekend...if she was crying, they'd admit that she probably wanted her mommy). Then there was all GMIL's talk of separation anxiety. Based on the evidence, I'd say that FIL and GMIL think SIL is doing a good job (which is more credit than they ever gave to me), and MIL still thinks she's the only person who can get the job done.
Gotta go. I've got just a few hours of downtime before the big dinner with Buddy. (Or before I skip town with my kid and never look back).
Lunch yesterday (which, despite the fact that it was the first pretty day in months, was taken at my in-laws' kitchen table with the windows closed and shades drawn...depressing): my FIL was holding the new baby, who was perfectly content and happy, and all of a sudden, grandma-in-law blurts out, "She has separation anxiety!" Then in a complete non sequitur, MIL started talking about how the new baby won't take a pacifier. I don't know what it means, except that it stands in stark contrast to Twinklette's lifelong obsession with the Nuk. The new baby is a great sleeper, too.
I really don't think my MIL loves any child more or less. I'm not sure what to make of the bragging that the new baby won't take a Nuk because I know MIL hates it that we haven't broken Twinklette of it yet. I'm convinced that kids even love them or hate them, and none of it matters in the long run, but MIL seems to see it as a character flaw. As for the sleep thing, I'm trying to be gracious and generous there. Maybe the kid really is a good sleeper. It doesn't matter to me whether she sleeps or not...Twinklette has long since passed the wakes-up-every-three-hours-stage (although she stayed there for awhile). I just know that, when I was a new mom, I hated to hear moms like SIL bragging that their kid slept 10 hours at a time. My philosophy on that is, even if it's the case, just shut up about it...no sleep-derived new mother wants to hear you bragging that your kid is a marathon sleeper. It's the equivalent of sitting down at a restaurant while the entire table is eating fried cheese and saying, "Look at me--I'm a size 0, and no matter what I do, I just eat and eat, and I cannot gain weight." Barf!
Anyway, Mr. Twinkle and I did an unofficial audit yesterday. We have 2 separation anxiety comments from Grandma (and, unless she learned the concept in the past month, she's biased...'cause she sure never said that about Twinklette). Then we've got the did-you-wash-your-finger comment from MIL. We tend to think that MIL and Grandma have diverged, based on the evidence we've seen: GMIL thinks SIL can do no wrong; MIL still thinks everyone's incompetent.
Anyway, it sounds like Twinklette's awake (it's 8 o'clock...Twinklette is a late sleeper for a toddler. I know some little kids her age who get up at 5 a.m.) Do I harp on it all the time? No.
I really don't think my MIL loves any child more or less. I'm not sure what to make of the bragging that the new baby won't take a Nuk because I know MIL hates it that we haven't broken Twinklette of it yet. I'm convinced that kids even love them or hate them, and none of it matters in the long run, but MIL seems to see it as a character flaw. As for the sleep thing, I'm trying to be gracious and generous there. Maybe the kid really is a good sleeper. It doesn't matter to me whether she sleeps or not...Twinklette has long since passed the wakes-up-every-three-hours-stage (although she stayed there for awhile). I just know that, when I was a new mom, I hated to hear moms like SIL bragging that their kid slept 10 hours at a time. My philosophy on that is, even if it's the case, just shut up about it...no sleep-derived new mother wants to hear you bragging that your kid is a marathon sleeper. It's the equivalent of sitting down at a restaurant while the entire table is eating fried cheese and saying, "Look at me--I'm a size 0, and no matter what I do, I just eat and eat, and I cannot gain weight." Barf!
Anyway, Mr. Twinkle and I did an unofficial audit yesterday. We have 2 separation anxiety comments from Grandma (and, unless she learned the concept in the past month, she's biased...'cause she sure never said that about Twinklette). Then we've got the did-you-wash-your-finger comment from MIL. We tend to think that MIL and Grandma have diverged, based on the evidence we've seen: GMIL thinks SIL can do no wrong; MIL still thinks everyone's incompetent.
Anyway, it sounds like Twinklette's awake (it's 8 o'clock...Twinklette is a late sleeper for a toddler. I know some little kids her age who get up at 5 a.m.) Do I harp on it all the time? No.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Twinkle: Raciness at the Family Dinner
There's a certain girl who used to be in Junior League until she quit, believe it nor not, because she felt the League had too much socializing and not enough social action. She's a published authority on subjects such as holistic pregnancy, natural childbirth, and militant lactivism. Y'all know who I mean.
Anyway, I really like this girl, even though we have differing visions for the League. She really does have a good sense of humor and is really nice, plus she has a daughter Twinklette's age (in addition to like 10 other kids of varying ages...odds are, if you have a child, she has one the same age). I just wanted to say that this post is not about me badmouthing or making fun of her, and even though I am all pro-C-section, all the time, I still like her and totally respect her field and her beliefs.
Alright...so tonight at dinner, Scott's aunt was talking about how this girl is an authority on natural childbirth, and has written books, and is respected in the doula-loving crunchy mom community, and then she leaned in for a whisper, and I leaned in too because I knew it was about to get interesting. "You know...she's written a book on, like, sex during pregnancy and how to keep it hot and spicy." She said this in front of everyone at our end of the table: Mr. Twinkle's dad, mom, grandma, grandma's best friend, the best friend's husband, and a few aunts and uncles.
MIL threw up her hands and exclaimed, "Let's not go there!" just as I squealed (more out of curiosity than anything), "I want to read it!" I mean, I love this chica, but she's not who I would turn to for sex tips...plus I think it would be fascinating to read a book of sex tips written by someone I know. The whole thing has a circus tent appeal for me. But, yes, I did exclaim in the middle of dinner, in front of my husband's entire extended family, that I'd like to read a mutual acquaintance's book about pregnant sex tips. If that's not enough to start a few rumors in the family, I don't know what is.
Y'all know that Mr. Twinkle and I don't have any problems in the hot and spicy department, and I'm pretty sure that, after my appalling outburst, my MIL caught me coming on to Mr. Twinkle during dessert. He had a plate full of banana pudding, and I said, "Oh--we should take some of that home. For later." (I don't have to tell y'all that this was a reference to a past sexcapade). MIL looked at me right when I said "For later" and made meaningful eye contact with Mr. Twinkle. Awkward.
I'm sure she's sufficiently disturbed for the weekend, as are all of you.
Also, my grandma-in-law kept talking about SIL's new baby's seperation anxiety, and how she cries when anyone but my SIL holds her. I've never heard any of these people discussing seperation anxiety as it relates to my daughter...she could be crying with her arms around my neck screaming "Mommy, Mommy!" as my MIL demands a kiss from her, and they'll be all, "Don't you feed her? She's obviously hungry." So the total tally of "all moms suck vs. SIL is the perfect mom," is currently one and one. But the weekend is young...
Anyway, I really like this girl, even though we have differing visions for the League. She really does have a good sense of humor and is really nice, plus she has a daughter Twinklette's age (in addition to like 10 other kids of varying ages...odds are, if you have a child, she has one the same age). I just wanted to say that this post is not about me badmouthing or making fun of her, and even though I am all pro-C-section, all the time, I still like her and totally respect her field and her beliefs.
Alright...so tonight at dinner, Scott's aunt was talking about how this girl is an authority on natural childbirth, and has written books, and is respected in the doula-loving crunchy mom community, and then she leaned in for a whisper, and I leaned in too because I knew it was about to get interesting. "You know...she's written a book on, like, sex during pregnancy and how to keep it hot and spicy." She said this in front of everyone at our end of the table: Mr. Twinkle's dad, mom, grandma, grandma's best friend, the best friend's husband, and a few aunts and uncles.
MIL threw up her hands and exclaimed, "Let's not go there!" just as I squealed (more out of curiosity than anything), "I want to read it!" I mean, I love this chica, but she's not who I would turn to for sex tips...plus I think it would be fascinating to read a book of sex tips written by someone I know. The whole thing has a circus tent appeal for me. But, yes, I did exclaim in the middle of dinner, in front of my husband's entire extended family, that I'd like to read a mutual acquaintance's book about pregnant sex tips. If that's not enough to start a few rumors in the family, I don't know what is.
Y'all know that Mr. Twinkle and I don't have any problems in the hot and spicy department, and I'm pretty sure that, after my appalling outburst, my MIL caught me coming on to Mr. Twinkle during dessert. He had a plate full of banana pudding, and I said, "Oh--we should take some of that home. For later." (I don't have to tell y'all that this was a reference to a past sexcapade). MIL looked at me right when I said "For later" and made meaningful eye contact with Mr. Twinkle. Awkward.
I'm sure she's sufficiently disturbed for the weekend, as are all of you.
Also, my grandma-in-law kept talking about SIL's new baby's seperation anxiety, and how she cries when anyone but my SIL holds her. I've never heard any of these people discussing seperation anxiety as it relates to my daughter...she could be crying with her arms around my neck screaming "Mommy, Mommy!" as my MIL demands a kiss from her, and they'll be all, "Don't you feed her? She's obviously hungry." So the total tally of "all moms suck vs. SIL is the perfect mom," is currently one and one. But the weekend is young...
Twinkle: Report from Lunch
MIL's behavior is pointing toward egalitarian treatment of all young mothers as imbeciles. Consider this exchange between MIL and SIL over lunch:
MIL: She [new baby] finally got quiet.
SIL: I put my finger in her mouth.
MIL: Did you wash it first?
Me (in my mind): Did I hear that right?
That HAS to get on my SIL's nerves...how could it not? That woman has issues. More tonight, I'm sure...
MIL: She [new baby] finally got quiet.
SIL: I put my finger in her mouth.
MIL: Did you wash it first?
Me (in my mind): Did I hear that right?
That HAS to get on my SIL's nerves...how could it not? That woman has issues. More tonight, I'm sure...
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Twinkle: the Kindness of Acquaintances
Goodness gracious what a lot has happened on here since I last checked. We've got a missing child with a crazy mother, Lola's pre-3d ultrasound confusion, and Mr. J's trip to the sperm bank (or a close approximation). I hope all three scenarios had good results!
It all makes what I was going to say positively mundane...but I'll say it anyway. Today Twinklette's music teacher told me she could tell, the first day she saw me, that I'm a good mother. And that is always nice to hear, but I think it's sort of sad that I only hear it from acquaintances and never from the people who see it up-close (I'm looking at you, MIL).
I had the same notion a few weeks ago when we visited my SIL in Connecticut, and a relative on my SIL's husband's side of the family came up to me and told me the same thing. I was helping Twinklette with breakfast in the hotel, and this woman sought me out specifically to tell me I was doing a good job. She didn't have to, and it meant a lot since most of the time the general consensus around there is that I suck.
It's not even that I need them to say, "You're doing a good job." It's not really the validation I need (although it would be nice), but I know it's not really about that that because I don't crave it from my parents, or you all, or Mr. Twinkle. I think I just resent my in-laws' unspoken sentiment that I'm not at all competent and that I'm (at best) in way over my head, and (at worst) rearing a prima donna serial killer with attachment issues.
This is timely because my SIL will be making her first post-baby trip home this weekend, and it'll be the first time I'll get to see my in-laws interacting with their daughter and granddaughter on their turf. It's basically the moment I've been waiting for, to see whether or not they treat us equally (as in, all other mothers suck and only my MIL knows what she's doing), or unequally (as in, my SIL has done more in 2 months of being a mother than I have done in 2 years and will ever do in my entire maternal life). My money's on the latter, but you never know. My MIL is full of surprises, and I think she has a hard time comprehending the fact that a novice mother (even her own beatified daughter) could know more than she does. The flawed logic here is that my SIL is in the trenches with her baby every day, and knows that baby better than anyone else in the world, and is learning everything she needs to learn--and more--as she goes. Either way, it'll be an interesting weekend.
Anyway, thanks, for the kind words, Miss Annessa! They meant a lot!
It all makes what I was going to say positively mundane...but I'll say it anyway. Today Twinklette's music teacher told me she could tell, the first day she saw me, that I'm a good mother. And that is always nice to hear, but I think it's sort of sad that I only hear it from acquaintances and never from the people who see it up-close (I'm looking at you, MIL).
I had the same notion a few weeks ago when we visited my SIL in Connecticut, and a relative on my SIL's husband's side of the family came up to me and told me the same thing. I was helping Twinklette with breakfast in the hotel, and this woman sought me out specifically to tell me I was doing a good job. She didn't have to, and it meant a lot since most of the time the general consensus around there is that I suck.
It's not even that I need them to say, "You're doing a good job." It's not really the validation I need (although it would be nice), but I know it's not really about that that because I don't crave it from my parents, or you all, or Mr. Twinkle. I think I just resent my in-laws' unspoken sentiment that I'm not at all competent and that I'm (at best) in way over my head, and (at worst) rearing a prima donna serial killer with attachment issues.
This is timely because my SIL will be making her first post-baby trip home this weekend, and it'll be the first time I'll get to see my in-laws interacting with their daughter and granddaughter on their turf. It's basically the moment I've been waiting for, to see whether or not they treat us equally (as in, all other mothers suck and only my MIL knows what she's doing), or unequally (as in, my SIL has done more in 2 months of being a mother than I have done in 2 years and will ever do in my entire maternal life). My money's on the latter, but you never know. My MIL is full of surprises, and I think she has a hard time comprehending the fact that a novice mother (even her own beatified daughter) could know more than she does. The flawed logic here is that my SIL is in the trenches with her baby every day, and knows that baby better than anyone else in the world, and is learning everything she needs to learn--and more--as she goes. Either way, it'll be an interesting weekend.
Anyway, thanks, for the kind words, Miss Annessa! They meant a lot!
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