Ladies, where have we been? I want to see a new post each from Twinks and Dibbs and Lola hit up the Twitter within the week. I'll start this off with some fun from Mr. J's crazy aunts on the Facebook.
Aunt #1 recently posted the following as a Facebook status update - and I am re-typing this word for word, with unedited grammar and punctuation (note the final omitted period): "You can give and give. You can be there for support but you would think that the friends you do that for would be kind back. Maybe they just never were your friend"
To be clear, this was posted by a 58-year-old woman at 9:45 p.m. on a Sunday ... not by a drunken 20-year-old back in the dorm at 2 a.m., after the Sigma Chi Derby Days Skit Night where her sorority little sister spent the whole night flirting with the guy she's been hooking up with herself. If this were posted by the 20-year-old ... say, own of my sweet cousins ... I would PM her and to remind her that using social media while drunk and pissed off is never a good idea. Then I would call her to say, "Listen, honey, passive aggression is no way to live. If you've got issues with someone, be a big girl and talk them out in person, don't use the Facebook. You don't need everyone talking about your dirty laundry." But this was an adult woman, presumably one who was sober at the time. What is wrong with this picture?
The second fun post featured all three of the crazy aunts. Mr. J's sister is on vacation - she and the Highly Regrettable Boyfriend went to Florida, and started off at Judgy Grandma's condo in Fort Lauderdale. Mr.-Sis posted a photo from a ball game their first night away... and Aunt #1 commented, "Take good care of my condo." I was a little confused. I asked Mr. J: "Does Aunt #1 have a place in Florida too?" No, he said, she's talking about Judgy Grands' place. Hmmm, I thought, I bet that won't go over well.
Sure enough, Aunt #2 promptly replied: "Your condo?" and Aunt #3's daughter chimed in on behalf of her mother. Next thing you know all three of the Judgy Grands' daughters are back and forth about ownership rights in the condo, with multiple comments from each of them. You might think this was all light-hearted if you hadn't previously heard them sniping at each other over how to divide their mother's jewelry when she dies. The one who lives in New Zealand told Mr. Mama in my hearing that she would need Mr. Mama to get over there right away and grab certain things for her because the other sisters would snatch all the good stuff before she was able to fly in.
Ah, sisterly love!
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Julep: false sense of cuteness
That's what I've been suffering
from all day, and it's no one's fault but my own. I have got to stop letting
Mr-Mama fill my wardrobe with lovely items that are simply not flattering on a small frame ...
or at least, I've got to stop convincing myself that they will look good with
the right pieces from my wardrobe.
I think it's time for another closet purge,
friends.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Julep: armchair philosophizing
Since I'm back in the blogging neighborhood I figure it's a good place for me to raise this next topic - because this is awful and tragic, y'all, and I don't in any way mean to discount that with my philosophizing about the life choices of people I do not know in the slightest.
Yesterday a friend of Mr. J's (and mine, but primarily she's his friend) posted a GoFundMe link for a family she knows - a mom, dad, and two small children. I'm not sure which of the parents our friend went to high school with, but the father is 33 and was just diagnosed with mesothelioma - he had a routine surgery for hernia repair and the doctor discovered his abdomen was full of cancer. I'm somewhat familiar with meso because it mostly comes up in people who are exposed to asbestos - but sometimes (as in this case) it's purely random and ideopathic. Either way, it's nasty and it won't be cured. The family has gotten several opinions, but the long and short of it is, he's got 3-4 months to live untreated. With an aggressive campaign of chemotherapy, he might live 8-10 months. According to the GoFundMe page, they will start treatment tomorrow.
After only about 24 hours of setting up the page, they had already raised nearly $20,000. The page was vague about what the money was needed for, other than a reference to the man's fear for his family "not being taken care of." Presumably this well-educated and -employed man has health insurance to cover his medical expenses, and disability insurance to cover his family's living expenses for the duration of time he is no longer working, and life insurance for when he passes. So while I fully appreciate the desire to do something to help in this very unfortunate situation, I have a hard time seeing why people are giving them money. I mean ... they can give money to whoever they want. But setting up a care page for meals, child-tending, and hospital visits seems like it would be a lot more productive and useful.
Now here's the part that will really make me sound like a giant b!tch. I do not understand why this man has signed on for "aggressive chemotherapy" that will, at best, buy him an additional 4-6 months of life. Chemotherapy is literally torturous. You are pouring poison into your body - and I can absolutely see doing it if there were a chance it might cure him, but it won't. He's dying. And evidently he'd rather spend his last few months of life in a hospital, puking his guts out and losing his hair, than coming to terms with his impending departure from this life and making the most of the time he has left.
I don't judge this man. I am endlessly sorry for him and thankful that I am not in his shoes. But if it were me, I think and hope I would choose differently. His children are small, but they are old enough to remember him, and to remember how he faced death. I guess he wants them to know that he fought it. I think I would rather teach them that death is something we will all face someday, and it's nothing to be afraid of. If it were me, I would be booking a long family trip to someplace beautiful, and traveling around the country to say goodbye to my friends and loved ones while I still had the strength to go.
If the GoFundMe page were raising money for that, I'd be happy to pitch in.
Yesterday a friend of Mr. J's (and mine, but primarily she's his friend) posted a GoFundMe link for a family she knows - a mom, dad, and two small children. I'm not sure which of the parents our friend went to high school with, but the father is 33 and was just diagnosed with mesothelioma - he had a routine surgery for hernia repair and the doctor discovered his abdomen was full of cancer. I'm somewhat familiar with meso because it mostly comes up in people who are exposed to asbestos - but sometimes (as in this case) it's purely random and ideopathic. Either way, it's nasty and it won't be cured. The family has gotten several opinions, but the long and short of it is, he's got 3-4 months to live untreated. With an aggressive campaign of chemotherapy, he might live 8-10 months. According to the GoFundMe page, they will start treatment tomorrow.
After only about 24 hours of setting up the page, they had already raised nearly $20,000. The page was vague about what the money was needed for, other than a reference to the man's fear for his family "not being taken care of." Presumably this well-educated and -employed man has health insurance to cover his medical expenses, and disability insurance to cover his family's living expenses for the duration of time he is no longer working, and life insurance for when he passes. So while I fully appreciate the desire to do something to help in this very unfortunate situation, I have a hard time seeing why people are giving them money. I mean ... they can give money to whoever they want. But setting up a care page for meals, child-tending, and hospital visits seems like it would be a lot more productive and useful.
Now here's the part that will really make me sound like a giant b!tch. I do not understand why this man has signed on for "aggressive chemotherapy" that will, at best, buy him an additional 4-6 months of life. Chemotherapy is literally torturous. You are pouring poison into your body - and I can absolutely see doing it if there were a chance it might cure him, but it won't. He's dying. And evidently he'd rather spend his last few months of life in a hospital, puking his guts out and losing his hair, than coming to terms with his impending departure from this life and making the most of the time he has left.
I don't judge this man. I am endlessly sorry for him and thankful that I am not in his shoes. But if it were me, I think and hope I would choose differently. His children are small, but they are old enough to remember him, and to remember how he faced death. I guess he wants them to know that he fought it. I think I would rather teach them that death is something we will all face someday, and it's nothing to be afraid of. If it were me, I would be booking a long family trip to someplace beautiful, and traveling around the country to say goodbye to my friends and loved ones while I still had the strength to go.
If the GoFundMe page were raising money for that, I'd be happy to pitch in.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Julep: Surely you jest.
I don't know if you girls even read this blog any more, but I tried calling my mama and she's evidently working, and Mr. J was terse with me as he is apparently knee-deep in paperwork, and I need to get this off my chest. So here goes.
My bitchy Lil Sis had another baby two weeks ago today. I was not all that interested in seeing said baby (y'all know I don't really get excited by infants) but I was trying to be a good sport so I called and texted her a couple of times to say I hoped everyone was well and we'd love to come by whenever she was ready for company. (Normally I would take a meal, but I can't cater to her smorgasbord of eating restrictions. She won't even eat Thanksgiving dinner at my house, so forget that idea.)
Anyway, Sunday morning she actually answered the phone - my mom and stepdad were over anyway so I think she figured she could get us all out of the way at once. The Bear was at the circus but Bits and I walked over. After 30 minutes we had to leave because I could feel myself about to go Hulk. She is so nasty to J-Mama, a woman who (a) would not harm a fly, (b) is sensitive by nature, and (c) bought Lil Sis the very house in which we sat while Lil Sis mouthed off to her.
But this was the richest part. Lil Sis - who is not Catholic, never baptized her kids, has no religious affiliation whatsoever and is the classic incarnation of a modern secularist - has decided that she wants to send her oldest child to St Spanish Tile next year for kindergarten. She tells me that they really think it's the right continuation of the good foundation they've laid at Hipster Prep preschool down the street. (Translation: lots of the other parents at Hipster Prep - presumably the Catholic ones - are going on to St Spanish Tile.) Lil Sis's kids are on scholarship at Hipster Prep, and while parochial schools are way cheaper than the private schools, St Spanish Tile is running about $7500 for non-parishioners. Not to worry, Lil Sis says - they've applied for financial aid and are hoping for a large grant from the local archdiocese to cover the tuition. Record scratch....
As a tithing, Catholic Service Appeal-donating member of the local Catholic community, I was pretty surprised to hear that the archdiocese was interested in sending Lil Sis's non-Catholic children to a Catholic school for free, particularly a Catholic school that is probably not struggling to keep the doors open, since it is in part of town where most of the neighbors can afford the tuition should they be interested. Surprised is one word. Really, really pissed is another. Why should I pay $9,000 a year to send my two Catholic kids to Catholic school while she sends her non-Catholic kids to Catholic school for free?
I know the archdiocese gives out financial aid, and I have read plenty about how they have a big push right now to increase that aid. But I always had the sense that the need was for families like one we know at our church: the dad went to grade school with Mr. J and he's now a plumber, and his wife worked at UPS. They have a daughter Bear's age and a newborn, and I won't be surprised if they add to the family eventually. They might be able to swing one tuition, but it will surely be a stretch for them to have multiple kids in grade school, or to send their kids to Catholic high school.
I talked with one of my partners who is on the board of the foundation that gives out the money for Catholic school aid. Apparently the greatest interests are in supporting schools in the southwest corridor of the city and increasing Hispanic enrollment. While the aid program is faith-blind, it also sounds like someone like Lil Sis -- who certainly isn't indigent, and isn't applying to a school in a poor neighborhood -- is probably going to get $500 or $1000 at best. The archdiocese has $1.5 million to give out and at least $5 million in demonstrated need.
So that is a silver lining ... she is almost certainly not going to get free tuition, and it's unlikely that any discount will even bring it to the level of what a parishioner pays. That takes the foundation back off my hit list, but even so, it infuriates me to think that underwriting Lil Sis's champagne tastes and beer budget could mean that some family like Plumber's might not get every nickel they need to educate their kids in the parish they were raised in. Where does she get off?
Furthermore, I can tell you from watching her utter lack of gratitude towards J-Mama: funding her is not going to inspire her to any tact or diplomacy when her kids are in second grade and it comes time for First Communion preparation. She will be perfectly willing and happy to bag on the Catholic Church's teachings while taking their (my) money, and lord alone knows what her kids will be telling the other kids in the class about what they hear at home.
Have mercy on the people of St. Spanish Tile, Lord. Don't let the archdiocese give her entitled free-riding bitchy ass a dime.
My bitchy Lil Sis had another baby two weeks ago today. I was not all that interested in seeing said baby (y'all know I don't really get excited by infants) but I was trying to be a good sport so I called and texted her a couple of times to say I hoped everyone was well and we'd love to come by whenever she was ready for company. (Normally I would take a meal, but I can't cater to her smorgasbord of eating restrictions. She won't even eat Thanksgiving dinner at my house, so forget that idea.)
Anyway, Sunday morning she actually answered the phone - my mom and stepdad were over anyway so I think she figured she could get us all out of the way at once. The Bear was at the circus but Bits and I walked over. After 30 minutes we had to leave because I could feel myself about to go Hulk. She is so nasty to J-Mama, a woman who (a) would not harm a fly, (b) is sensitive by nature, and (c) bought Lil Sis the very house in which we sat while Lil Sis mouthed off to her.
But this was the richest part. Lil Sis - who is not Catholic, never baptized her kids, has no religious affiliation whatsoever and is the classic incarnation of a modern secularist - has decided that she wants to send her oldest child to St Spanish Tile next year for kindergarten. She tells me that they really think it's the right continuation of the good foundation they've laid at Hipster Prep preschool down the street. (Translation: lots of the other parents at Hipster Prep - presumably the Catholic ones - are going on to St Spanish Tile.) Lil Sis's kids are on scholarship at Hipster Prep, and while parochial schools are way cheaper than the private schools, St Spanish Tile is running about $7500 for non-parishioners. Not to worry, Lil Sis says - they've applied for financial aid and are hoping for a large grant from the local archdiocese to cover the tuition. Record scratch....
As a tithing, Catholic Service Appeal-donating member of the local Catholic community, I was pretty surprised to hear that the archdiocese was interested in sending Lil Sis's non-Catholic children to a Catholic school for free, particularly a Catholic school that is probably not struggling to keep the doors open, since it is in part of town where most of the neighbors can afford the tuition should they be interested. Surprised is one word. Really, really pissed is another. Why should I pay $9,000 a year to send my two Catholic kids to Catholic school while she sends her non-Catholic kids to Catholic school for free?
I know the archdiocese gives out financial aid, and I have read plenty about how they have a big push right now to increase that aid. But I always had the sense that the need was for families like one we know at our church: the dad went to grade school with Mr. J and he's now a plumber, and his wife worked at UPS. They have a daughter Bear's age and a newborn, and I won't be surprised if they add to the family eventually. They might be able to swing one tuition, but it will surely be a stretch for them to have multiple kids in grade school, or to send their kids to Catholic high school.
I talked with one of my partners who is on the board of the foundation that gives out the money for Catholic school aid. Apparently the greatest interests are in supporting schools in the southwest corridor of the city and increasing Hispanic enrollment. While the aid program is faith-blind, it also sounds like someone like Lil Sis -- who certainly isn't indigent, and isn't applying to a school in a poor neighborhood -- is probably going to get $500 or $1000 at best. The archdiocese has $1.5 million to give out and at least $5 million in demonstrated need.
So that is a silver lining ... she is almost certainly not going to get free tuition, and it's unlikely that any discount will even bring it to the level of what a parishioner pays. That takes the foundation back off my hit list, but even so, it infuriates me to think that underwriting Lil Sis's champagne tastes and beer budget could mean that some family like Plumber's might not get every nickel they need to educate their kids in the parish they were raised in. Where does she get off?
Furthermore, I can tell you from watching her utter lack of gratitude towards J-Mama: funding her is not going to inspire her to any tact or diplomacy when her kids are in second grade and it comes time for First Communion preparation. She will be perfectly willing and happy to bag on the Catholic Church's teachings while taking their (my) money, and lord alone knows what her kids will be telling the other kids in the class about what they hear at home.
Have mercy on the people of St. Spanish Tile, Lord. Don't let the archdiocese give her entitled free-riding bitchy ass a dime.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Julep: A classic MIL moment
In the past 48 hours, both of my kids have been down with a stomach bug: Bits was puking on Tuesday, and yesterday it was Bear's turn. Bits was fortunately at home with the bug hit, but Bear was at school - so someone had to go pick him up and spend the afternoon with him. That may be the subject of another, heavier post later ... right now I just need to tell someone about the interplay between the kids' illness and Mr. Mama.
All afternoon yesterday Mr. J was feverishly blowing up Mr. Mama's phone, hoping she could help out with the sick Bear so that he could get to Lexington for a work appointment rather than me having to leave work early. When she finally called him back - hours having passed - she was in the check-out line at Kohl's. She couldn't help, she was very busy shopping all afternoon - and I know Christmas is coming, but I also know that she has been stockpiling gifts since October. And she has two more weeks until Christmas, and no other obligations in her day time hours. Ahem. Anyway, she was unwilling to come help him out. Fair enough, she's got priorities.
So at 8:10 this morning she sent me an email asking how Bear was doing. I thought this was a very kind gesture since she knew he had been sick, and I wrote back promptly that although he was still upchucking at bedtime, he seemed to have made it through the night and was still sleeping when I left for work at 7:40, bless his little heart.
At 10:26, I got a call from Mr. J. He said, "I deliberately left my glasses in the truck so I could come back out and tell you about this. You will not believe it. She showed up at the house at 9:45 with her @$$ on fire telling me to get the kids out to the car, and she wanted me to drive since we were already going to be late. She made an appointment for them to get their Christmas pictures made."
Y'all. Two kids who have been puking everywhere for the past two days. And I know she did not have that appointment made before they got sick because she was just asking me on Tuesday if she could take them over the weekend. (And I said maybe, depending on what time she could get an appointment, so this wasn't her only chance.)
You know everyone who comes to that photography studio in the next week is picking up the bug. I would warn you off by name, but none of y'all would ever be tacky enough to take a child there in the first place. It's awful. Fake fireplace backdrops, fake pine cones. These photos are going to be a rich treasure trove some day when Bits and Bear encounter Awkward Family Photos.
As always, completely oblivious to the needs or interests of anyone other than herself.
All afternoon yesterday Mr. J was feverishly blowing up Mr. Mama's phone, hoping she could help out with the sick Bear so that he could get to Lexington for a work appointment rather than me having to leave work early. When she finally called him back - hours having passed - she was in the check-out line at Kohl's. She couldn't help, she was very busy shopping all afternoon - and I know Christmas is coming, but I also know that she has been stockpiling gifts since October. And she has two more weeks until Christmas, and no other obligations in her day time hours. Ahem. Anyway, she was unwilling to come help him out. Fair enough, she's got priorities.
So at 8:10 this morning she sent me an email asking how Bear was doing. I thought this was a very kind gesture since she knew he had been sick, and I wrote back promptly that although he was still upchucking at bedtime, he seemed to have made it through the night and was still sleeping when I left for work at 7:40, bless his little heart.
At 10:26, I got a call from Mr. J. He said, "I deliberately left my glasses in the truck so I could come back out and tell you about this. You will not believe it. She showed up at the house at 9:45 with her @$$ on fire telling me to get the kids out to the car, and she wanted me to drive since we were already going to be late. She made an appointment for them to get their Christmas pictures made."
Y'all. Two kids who have been puking everywhere for the past two days. And I know she did not have that appointment made before they got sick because she was just asking me on Tuesday if she could take them over the weekend. (And I said maybe, depending on what time she could get an appointment, so this wasn't her only chance.)
You know everyone who comes to that photography studio in the next week is picking up the bug. I would warn you off by name, but none of y'all would ever be tacky enough to take a child there in the first place. It's awful. Fake fireplace backdrops, fake pine cones. These photos are going to be a rich treasure trove some day when Bits and Bear encounter Awkward Family Photos.
As always, completely oblivious to the needs or interests of anyone other than herself.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Julep: bella figura
I just got the daily e-newsletter from school, which often features a few photos of what the children have been up to today. And I noticed today, as I have before, that my kid looks adorable and the other kids, not so much.
It's not that my children are physically so attractive - they are, but most of the other kids are also nice-looking. The difference is in wardrobe. The other kids might as well be wearing their pajamas. For instance, today the Bear has on khaki pants, a white oxford shirt, and a blue argyle sweater vest. And of course, his school shoes. The boy with whom he is building a block tower in the photo is dressed in a long-sleeved horizontally striped T-shirt, sweatpants with vertical striping on the legs, and plastic sneakers which may or may not light up.
The girls aren't much better. Mostly I'm seeing pants with long-sleeved T-shirts or T-shirt dresses with leggings. I prefer to send Little Bits to school in a dress, but I was caught short on the laundry this morning - they don't usually go to school on Thursday, and I don't have enough tights for four school days in a row. I could have sent her in play clothes, but instead Little Bits is wearing red corduroy overalls with black and white plaid trim, a white blouse with peter pan collar, and two hair bows. (She wanted white, and her brother was adamant that she should wear a red one to match her outfit.)
In a vacuum, most of the clothing items these kids are wearing are fine. I would let my kids wear any given item around the house for play time, or over to my mom's house, or even to Target or the grocery store. But even though they do a lot of play at "school" at this age, I just feel like school deserves the good stuff out of one's wardrobe. Yes, a lot of the time they come home with paint or spaghetti sauce on their nice clothes. I have a free hand with the Oxi Clean, and that is a sacrifice I'm willing to make so that my kids don't grow up to be the kind of people who go to their college classes in sweats or show up to traffic court wearing a Tweety Bird T-shirt and jeans with holes.
Twinks, I am expecting next year's school experience to be a step up. If nothing else, I know the Twinkle sisters will ensure that my two are not the only ones in the building who appear to have changed their clothes after rolling out of bed in the morning.
It's not that my children are physically so attractive - they are, but most of the other kids are also nice-looking. The difference is in wardrobe. The other kids might as well be wearing their pajamas. For instance, today the Bear has on khaki pants, a white oxford shirt, and a blue argyle sweater vest. And of course, his school shoes. The boy with whom he is building a block tower in the photo is dressed in a long-sleeved horizontally striped T-shirt, sweatpants with vertical striping on the legs, and plastic sneakers which may or may not light up.
The girls aren't much better. Mostly I'm seeing pants with long-sleeved T-shirts or T-shirt dresses with leggings. I prefer to send Little Bits to school in a dress, but I was caught short on the laundry this morning - they don't usually go to school on Thursday, and I don't have enough tights for four school days in a row. I could have sent her in play clothes, but instead Little Bits is wearing red corduroy overalls with black and white plaid trim, a white blouse with peter pan collar, and two hair bows. (She wanted white, and her brother was adamant that she should wear a red one to match her outfit.)
In a vacuum, most of the clothing items these kids are wearing are fine. I would let my kids wear any given item around the house for play time, or over to my mom's house, or even to Target or the grocery store. But even though they do a lot of play at "school" at this age, I just feel like school deserves the good stuff out of one's wardrobe. Yes, a lot of the time they come home with paint or spaghetti sauce on their nice clothes. I have a free hand with the Oxi Clean, and that is a sacrifice I'm willing to make so that my kids don't grow up to be the kind of people who go to their college classes in sweats or show up to traffic court wearing a Tweety Bird T-shirt and jeans with holes.
Twinks, I am expecting next year's school experience to be a step up. If nothing else, I know the Twinkle sisters will ensure that my two are not the only ones in the building who appear to have changed their clothes after rolling out of bed in the morning.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Julep: for laughs
I feel like you girls will appreciate these.
http://the-toast.net/2014/11/06/women-rejecting-marriage-proposals-western-art-history/
http://the-toast.net/2014/11/06/women-rejecting-marriage-proposals-western-art-history/
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