Y'all, I just have to giggle every time I see the previews for the "Something Borrowed" movie. You remember my cousin Crazy? She's pretty unforgettable, I presume. A few years ago she let me borrow the "Something Borrowed" book. (It's actually pretty good. You should check it out.) Anyway, when she handed it to me, she told me the Darcey character reminded her of herself and made some comment insinuating I was more like the mousy Rachel character. Funny how that turned out...I'll let you watch or read.
Anyway, if you've noticed the previews at all, Darcey is played by Kate Hudson, I believe. I'm pretty sure she never wore Nikes everyday, used food stamps, or took a piss in the floor. I'm not sure where Cray-Cray sees the resemblance. I am, however, happy for her healthy self-esteem. I'm sure it serves her well up in the Lady.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Twinkle: There's Someone Less Fun Than Me...Guess Who!
So, as the mother of a very headstrong three-year-old, I often feel like every moment of every day is an epic battle of wills. It's my job, of course, to make Twinklette into a productive member of society, and before that I would really like her to be one of those nice, responsible teenagers. Of course, those don't just happen naturally; they are the rare products of years of intense training. The way I look at it, the more I train her to act better now, the more fun we can have together long term.
Still, I want to be fun, but it's just not always in Twinklette's best interest for life to be one big party, even if I'd prefer it that way. After all, it has to be someone's responsibility to keep her from harming herself or someone else, or destroying the personal property of others, or even just getting her to take turns and share. That responsibility is clearly mine, which diminishes my fun quotient considerably.
Much of my time is spent chasing Twinklette, who takes great delight in running away from me and ignoring me when I tell her to stop where she is and come back to me. Tonight was no different. There was a time when all the kids were up moving around, and she got wild. So I tried to grab her, she avoided me (it's hard to go from a sitting position to chase mode with a sleeping infant strapped to you) and did a few laps around the room until my MIL caught her and wrestled Twinklette onto her lap.
Able to take it from there, I said, "Twinklette, I'd like you to come over here please so I can talk to you." Imagine my delight when Twinklette attempted to pre-empt my MIL's inevitable lecture by saying, "But, my mommy needs to talk to me right now." How can I help but be overjoyed by that? Not only was she using her smarts to avoid a schoolmarm-style smackdown, but she was essentially playing the mommy trump card (a subtle reminder to my MIL that I'm still the ultimate authority), and best of all I learned that there's someone besides me that Twinklette would least rather get a lecture from.
Because no matter how un-fun I am as a mother, there's always my MIL. She serves as a constant reminder to Twinklette that no one could be less fun than her.
Still, I want to be fun, but it's just not always in Twinklette's best interest for life to be one big party, even if I'd prefer it that way. After all, it has to be someone's responsibility to keep her from harming herself or someone else, or destroying the personal property of others, or even just getting her to take turns and share. That responsibility is clearly mine, which diminishes my fun quotient considerably.
Much of my time is spent chasing Twinklette, who takes great delight in running away from me and ignoring me when I tell her to stop where she is and come back to me. Tonight was no different. There was a time when all the kids were up moving around, and she got wild. So I tried to grab her, she avoided me (it's hard to go from a sitting position to chase mode with a sleeping infant strapped to you) and did a few laps around the room until my MIL caught her and wrestled Twinklette onto her lap.
Able to take it from there, I said, "Twinklette, I'd like you to come over here please so I can talk to you." Imagine my delight when Twinklette attempted to pre-empt my MIL's inevitable lecture by saying, "But, my mommy needs to talk to me right now." How can I help but be overjoyed by that? Not only was she using her smarts to avoid a schoolmarm-style smackdown, but she was essentially playing the mommy trump card (a subtle reminder to my MIL that I'm still the ultimate authority), and best of all I learned that there's someone besides me that Twinklette would least rather get a lecture from.
Because no matter how un-fun I am as a mother, there's always my MIL. She serves as a constant reminder to Twinklette that no one could be less fun than her.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Twinkle: Let My People Go (wherever they want for dinner tomorrow night)
So, there's a friend of ours, a certain eccentric former prosecutor-turned-defense-attorney with a proclivity for gourmet cooking, cats, and musical theatre. I think we all know to whom I'm referring here. This particular person turned down my in-laws' invitation to this year's Passover seder because his parents were in town and they didn't want to do anything religious. For the record, I think our friend normally enjoys the seders (as do I), but since his parents were in town and weren't interested, he decided to bow out this year. That's their business, in my opinion, and it's not my place--or anyone else's--to question it or be offended by it, even though I wish he were coming. The seder will be as bland as a matzo cracker without him.
He was gracious about it, explaining to my MIL that they were going to "do their own thing," which even she considered a legitimate excuse (although I'm sure she thinks no one can do Passover with quite the level of precision and organization that she does). Well last night he happened to run into my sister-in-law, and he mentioned to her the real reason that he wouldn't be coming to the seder: his parents aren't interested in doing anything religious on their trip here. Again, their business. SIL took offense to it, talked loudly about their "awkward" conversation in front of my MIL, who now knows the real reason this friend and his parents won't be at the seder. And, not possessing my level of magnanimity or ability to just shrug it off as not that big of a deal, my MIL naturally got all huffy about it. Mr. Twinkle and I denied knowledge.
Regarding my sister-in-law's punking of this person, my question is this: why do it? I would never, ever do that. Not that I felt the need to cover for our friend; I just believe that his reasons for attending or not attending an event are his business alone, so why mention the real reason to my in-laws when they're going to be upset about it? I am just not in the business of punking people, especially to people who go around acting more-kosher-than-thou and are notorious for holding grudges. Why do it? Why not just let my MIL believe they had their own family seder (as we all know, this friend of ours would be perfectly capable of throwing one)? That way, the friend and his parents get to observe their religious holiday in their own way, and MIL could still cling to the smug belief that no one would ever be so crazy as to turn down her brisket except for the most extenuating of circumstances, and peace would prosper throughout the land.
My point is people need to mind their own d*mn business and stay out of other people's affairs.
He was gracious about it, explaining to my MIL that they were going to "do their own thing," which even she considered a legitimate excuse (although I'm sure she thinks no one can do Passover with quite the level of precision and organization that she does). Well last night he happened to run into my sister-in-law, and he mentioned to her the real reason that he wouldn't be coming to the seder: his parents aren't interested in doing anything religious on their trip here. Again, their business. SIL took offense to it, talked loudly about their "awkward" conversation in front of my MIL, who now knows the real reason this friend and his parents won't be at the seder. And, not possessing my level of magnanimity or ability to just shrug it off as not that big of a deal, my MIL naturally got all huffy about it. Mr. Twinkle and I denied knowledge.
Regarding my sister-in-law's punking of this person, my question is this: why do it? I would never, ever do that. Not that I felt the need to cover for our friend; I just believe that his reasons for attending or not attending an event are his business alone, so why mention the real reason to my in-laws when they're going to be upset about it? I am just not in the business of punking people, especially to people who go around acting more-kosher-than-thou and are notorious for holding grudges. Why do it? Why not just let my MIL believe they had their own family seder (as we all know, this friend of ours would be perfectly capable of throwing one)? That way, the friend and his parents get to observe their religious holiday in their own way, and MIL could still cling to the smug belief that no one would ever be so crazy as to turn down her brisket except for the most extenuating of circumstances, and peace would prosper throughout the land.
My point is people need to mind their own d*mn business and stay out of other people's affairs.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Julep: May I recommend...
... the website betterbooktitles.com, particularly as to children's books. I laughed out loud at "Where the Red Fern Grows" and "The Giving Tree."
Friday, April 8, 2011
Twinkle: Break out the champagne; I don't suck as a mother
OK I just have to rejoice about this...sorry if it's not the most exciting post or if it's TMI, but to me it's huge.
After months of flagellation and self-doubt about the fact that I had somehow screwed up Twinklette in regards to the potty, she has totally trained herself in an instant.
I never knew what I did to screw her up...I was actually very laid-back about the whole potty thing and was waiting (for years) for her to show signs of interest. Turns out I waited too long and missed my original window, but I know what people think about mothers whose children have potty issues. They think we are controlling b*tches who shame our children and rub their little noses in any accidents like we would a misbehaving golden retriever. On the contrary, I was almost too laid-back about the whole thing...but try telling that to the teachers at her preschool who only see the last kid in the class who won't use the potty and who refuses to get paint on her hands/clothes (also not my influence...I swear. I do like to dress her cute, but I am a supporter of the arts and want her to paint/be creative/do whatever her class is doing. I have never been mean to her over a dirty outfit. I just buy a lot of OxyClean.).
Anyway, she went to dinosaur camp yesterday, and I don't know what happened there, but in the late afternoon she announced that she wanted to wear panties. I said OK, even though we've been down that path before and she usually wants the panties without the accompanying responsibilities. I explained that wearing panties means actually trying to use the potty, and that accidents are OK sometimes, but only if she's actually trying to be successful. She said OK, donned a pair of Princess and the Frog panties, and has been using the potty totally independently ever since with not one accident.
I am totally incredulous that my headstrong and rebellious child, who just last November announced that she wanted to "break the rules of going to the potty" has just potty trained herself. It was all Twinklette. I mean, I did nothing, which, when I look at it like that, actually makes it seem like less of a parental victory. But it was the easiest victory ever, and long overdue, so I'll take it.
After months of flagellation and self-doubt about the fact that I had somehow screwed up Twinklette in regards to the potty, she has totally trained herself in an instant.
I never knew what I did to screw her up...I was actually very laid-back about the whole potty thing and was waiting (for years) for her to show signs of interest. Turns out I waited too long and missed my original window, but I know what people think about mothers whose children have potty issues. They think we are controlling b*tches who shame our children and rub their little noses in any accidents like we would a misbehaving golden retriever. On the contrary, I was almost too laid-back about the whole thing...but try telling that to the teachers at her preschool who only see the last kid in the class who won't use the potty and who refuses to get paint on her hands/clothes (also not my influence...I swear. I do like to dress her cute, but I am a supporter of the arts and want her to paint/be creative/do whatever her class is doing. I have never been mean to her over a dirty outfit. I just buy a lot of OxyClean.).
Anyway, she went to dinosaur camp yesterday, and I don't know what happened there, but in the late afternoon she announced that she wanted to wear panties. I said OK, even though we've been down that path before and she usually wants the panties without the accompanying responsibilities. I explained that wearing panties means actually trying to use the potty, and that accidents are OK sometimes, but only if she's actually trying to be successful. She said OK, donned a pair of Princess and the Frog panties, and has been using the potty totally independently ever since with not one accident.
I am totally incredulous that my headstrong and rebellious child, who just last November announced that she wanted to "break the rules of going to the potty" has just potty trained herself. It was all Twinklette. I mean, I did nothing, which, when I look at it like that, actually makes it seem like less of a parental victory. But it was the easiest victory ever, and long overdue, so I'll take it.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Julep: And while we're on the subject ...
... of cousins, there's some impending drama in the Mr. J clan. Y'all know Mr. J and I have been hosting Thanksgiving since we got married; for the past three years (since she moved home from Nashville) Mr-Sister has hosted the whole family at her house on Easter. She's already said she planned to do so again this year.
Well, Mr-Mama told me last week that Trashy Baby Mama Cousin wants Easter to be at her house this year. This comes after she just hosted Thanksgiving for her branch of the Mr-J clan (to my delight).
I don't want to go to her house for Easter. I don't like her, and I'm frankly not all that crazy about her mother or the Mr-Grands, either. But I really don't like how she seems to be pushing to take over all the holidays. This girl's wedding was the single tackiest experience of my entire adult life. (I know you DRGs haven't forgotten the "give us cash" poem tucked in the invitation.) Who died and made her Martha Stewart?
I told this new development to Mr. J last night. He said, "We're going to Mr-Sister's for Easter. And if she decides to go to Trashy's, we'll just do our own thing. I'm not spending Easter at Trashy's house."
I fell in love with him all over again.
Well, Mr-Mama told me last week that Trashy Baby Mama Cousin wants Easter to be at her house this year. This comes after she just hosted Thanksgiving for her branch of the Mr-J clan (to my delight).
I don't want to go to her house for Easter. I don't like her, and I'm frankly not all that crazy about her mother or the Mr-Grands, either. But I really don't like how she seems to be pushing to take over all the holidays. This girl's wedding was the single tackiest experience of my entire adult life. (I know you DRGs haven't forgotten the "give us cash" poem tucked in the invitation.) Who died and made her Martha Stewart?
I told this new development to Mr. J last night. He said, "We're going to Mr-Sister's for Easter. And if she decides to go to Trashy's, we'll just do our own thing. I'm not spending Easter at Trashy's house."
I fell in love with him all over again.
Julep: Oy vey.
War Bride just posted her ten-week ultrasound picture on the Facebook. She's not popping that kid out until Halloween. This is going to be the. Longest. Pregnancy. E.V.E.R.
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