Julep: false sense of cuteness

That's what I've been suffering from all day, and it's no one's fault but my own. I have got to stop letting Mr-Mama fill my wardrobe with lovely items that are simply not flattering on a small frame ... or at least, I've got to stop convincing myself that they will look good with the right pieces from my wardrobe. 

I think it's time for another closet purge, friends.

Julep: armchair philosophizing

Since I'm back in the blogging neighborhood I figure it's a good place for me to raise this next topic - because this is awful and tragic, y'all, and I don't in any way mean to discount that with my philosophizing about the life choices of people I do not know in the slightest.

Yesterday a friend of Mr. J's (and mine, but primarily she's his friend) posted a GoFundMe link for a family she knows - a mom, dad, and two small children. I'm not sure which of the parents our friend went to high school with, but the father is 33 and was just diagnosed with mesothelioma - he had a routine surgery for hernia repair and the doctor discovered his abdomen was full of cancer. I'm somewhat familiar with meso because it mostly comes up in people who are exposed to asbestos - but sometimes (as in this case) it's purely random and ideopathic. Either way, it's nasty and it won't be cured. The family has gotten several opinions, but the long and short of it is, he's got 3-4 months to live untreated. With an aggressive campaign of chemotherapy, he might live 8-10 months. According to the GoFundMe page, they will start treatment tomorrow.

After only about 24 hours of setting up the page, they had already raised nearly $20,000. The page was vague about what the money was needed for, other than a reference to the man's fear for his family "not being taken care of." Presumably this well-educated and -employed man has health insurance to cover his medical expenses, and disability insurance to cover his family's living expenses for the duration of time he is no longer working, and life insurance for when he passes. So while I fully appreciate the desire to do something to help in this very unfortunate situation, I have a hard time seeing why people are giving them money. I mean ... they can give money to whoever they want. But setting up a care page for meals, child-tending, and hospital visits seems like it would be a lot more productive and useful.

Now here's the part that will really make me sound like a giant b!tch. I do not understand why this man has signed on for "aggressive chemotherapy" that will, at best, buy him an additional 4-6 months of life. Chemotherapy is literally torturous. You are pouring poison into your body - and I can absolutely see doing it if there were a chance it might cure him, but it won't. He's dying. And evidently he'd rather spend his last few months of life in a hospital, puking his guts out and losing his hair, than coming to terms with his impending departure from this life and making the most of the time he has left.

I don't judge this man. I am endlessly sorry for him and thankful that I am not in his shoes. But if it were me, I think and hope I would choose differently. His children are small, but they are old enough to remember him, and to remember how he faced death. I guess he wants them to know that he fought it. I think I would rather teach them that death is something we will all face someday, and it's nothing to be afraid of. If it were me, I would be booking a long family trip to someplace beautiful, and traveling around the country to say goodbye to my friends and loved ones while I still had the strength to go.

If the GoFundMe page were raising money for that, I'd be happy to pitch in.

Julep: Surely you jest.

I don't know if you girls even read this blog any more, but I tried calling my mama and she's evidently working, and Mr. J was terse with me as he is apparently knee-deep in paperwork, and I need to get this off my chest. So here goes.

My bitchy Lil Sis had another baby two weeks ago today. I was not all that interested in seeing said baby (y'all know I don't really get excited by infants) but I was trying to be a good sport so I called and texted her a couple of times to say I hoped everyone was well and we'd love to come by whenever she was ready for company. (Normally I would take a meal, but I can't cater to her smorgasbord of eating restrictions. She won't even eat Thanksgiving dinner at my house, so forget that idea.)

Anyway, Sunday morning she actually answered the phone - my mom and stepdad were over anyway so I think she figured she could get us all out of the way at once. The Bear was at the circus but Bits and I walked over. After 30 minutes we had to leave because I could feel myself about to go Hulk. She is so nasty to J-Mama, a woman who (a) would not harm a fly, (b) is sensitive by nature, and (c) bought Lil Sis the very house in which we sat while Lil Sis mouthed off to her.

But this was the richest part. Lil Sis - who is not Catholic, never baptized her kids, has no religious affiliation whatsoever and is the classic incarnation of a modern secularist - has decided that she wants to send her oldest child to St Spanish Tile next year for kindergarten. She tells me that they really think it's the right continuation of the good foundation they've laid at Hipster Prep preschool down the street. (Translation: lots of the other parents at Hipster Prep - presumably the Catholic ones - are going on to St Spanish Tile.) Lil Sis's kids are on scholarship at Hipster Prep, and while parochial schools are way cheaper than the private schools, St Spanish Tile is running about $7500 for non-parishioners. Not to worry, Lil Sis says - they've applied for financial aid and are hoping for a large grant from the local archdiocese to cover the tuition. Record scratch....

As a tithing, Catholic Service Appeal-donating member of the local Catholic community, I was pretty surprised to hear that the archdiocese was interested in sending Lil Sis's non-Catholic children to a Catholic school for free, particularly a Catholic school that is probably not struggling to keep the doors open, since it is in part of town where most of the neighbors can afford the tuition should they be interested. Surprised is one word. Really, really pissed is another. Why should I pay $9,000 a year to send my two Catholic kids to Catholic school while she sends her non-Catholic kids to Catholic school for free?

I know the archdiocese gives out financial aid, and I have read plenty about how they have a big push right now to increase that aid. But I always had the sense that the need was for families like one we know at our church: the dad went to grade school with Mr. J and he's now a plumber, and his wife worked at UPS. They have a daughter Bear's age and a newborn, and I won't be surprised if they add to the family eventually. They might be able to swing one tuition, but it will surely be a stretch for them to have multiple kids in grade school, or to send their kids to Catholic high school.

I talked with one of my partners who is on the board of the foundation that gives out the money for Catholic school aid. Apparently the greatest interests are in supporting schools in the southwest corridor of the city and increasing Hispanic enrollment. While the aid program is faith-blind, it also sounds like someone like Lil Sis -- who certainly isn't indigent, and isn't applying to a school in a poor neighborhood -- is probably going to get $500 or $1000 at best. The archdiocese has $1.5 million to give out and at least $5 million in demonstrated need.

So that is a silver lining ... she is almost certainly not going to get free tuition, and it's unlikely that any discount will even bring it to the level of what a parishioner pays. That takes the foundation back off my hit list, but even so, it infuriates me to think that underwriting Lil Sis's champagne tastes and beer budget could mean that some family like Plumber's might not get every nickel they need to educate their kids in the parish they were raised in. Where does she get off?

Furthermore, I can tell you from watching her utter lack of gratitude towards J-Mama: funding her is not going to inspire her to any tact or diplomacy when her kids are in second grade and it comes time for First Communion preparation. She will be perfectly willing and happy to bag on the Catholic Church's teachings while taking their (my) money, and lord alone knows what her kids will be telling the other kids in the class about what they hear at home.

Have mercy on the people of St. Spanish Tile, Lord. Don't let the archdiocese give her entitled free-riding bitchy ass a dime.