Husband: Um. OK. So I know you were pissed about that text because you didn't invite us to Shabbat right after that, so I wanted to talk about it.
Fun Sink: I...Uh...Well. It was not...we were going out that night. Or dad went out; I was sick. So. That's when Dad went to Faye's. But you know. I wasn't happy. [bitter laughter] You know I'm not her whipping boy.
Husband: Yeah. I mean, so...so did you think it was too harsh? Or did you just think that you don't feel like you need to go through her and can just go to the kids?
Fun Sink: [Husband's Name], I didn't go through anybody. [Eldest] texted me because she wanted some things to take on that trip, and asked me if I could take her shopping that day, which was Monday, and she wanted some things to leave on Tuesday. When she texted me, I said, "Did you clear this with your mom?" And thats when [Twinkle], I guess, went off on [Eldest], because then she said, "Well, maybe you better check with Mommy on this," or something. So...I didn't instigate any of that. But she can't just say, "Hey, can you check with me?" She's got to...uh...send two paragraphs, like I don't know she's their mother?!
Husband: Well...I didn't think. I honestly didn't think the text was harsh, but from the reaction that I gathered, you know, you did. I do think that all she was trying to convey was that she did want to be the point person for anything with uh—
Fun Sink: And two sentences could have done that.
Husband: I mean maybe she was trying—
Fun Sink: I feel like you—
Husband: Yeah. Go ahead. You feel like what?
Fun Sink: silence, sniffling
Husband: You there?
Fun Sink: I'm here.
Husband: What were you going to say? You feel like what?
Fun Sink: [voice cracking] Nothing. It doesn't matter.
Husband: It it matters. I mean I feel like we ought to be able to talk about it because, obviously I love you; I love [Twinkle]; I want y'all to have a better relationship. She just wants to be included as part of the family. I know you want to be able to, like you, know, see the kids when you want to see them. I feel like we can talk about it. Maybe this isn't the best time because you're at school, but, you know, it puts me in an awkward position. I want you all to have a better relationship—
Fun Sink: I've tried—
Husband: She does appreciate—
Fun Sink: For fifteen years I've tried.
Husband: Well—
Fun Sink: [voice cracks with emotion] In her 3000 posts on Facebook and Instagram, there is not one of me or anything that I ever do for those kids, [more emotion] and I love those kids beyond anything you could imagine.
Husband: I know you do. She knows, she knows how much the kids love you, and she wants you to be with them. You know, I...I...I understand you saying that there's no public expression of appreciation, but I feel like I have thanked you on posts before. I feel like she thanks you in person when you do things for the kids.
Fun Sink: No she doesn't. She never thanks me for anything. Not for a gift, not for anything.
Husband: Well I'm sorry. We'll try to figure out a way for you all to get through it.
Fun Sink: [Husband's Name] I've tried for fifteen years to make her a part of our family, and for her to understand what it's like to have an extended family, because I know she didn't grow up that way. And I know that she didn't want anything to do with [her father's] family. I get that.
Husband: Wait, what? Wait, wait, wait. Say that again. That she didn't want anything to do...she didn't want us to have anything to do with his family? Or she didn't want to?
Fun Sink: [her mother] did not want to have anything to do—
Hubsand: Oh [her mother] didn't—
Fun Sink: with [her father's] family. And that's the way [Twinkle] grew up, with that as a role model. And...
Husband: Yeah, I never knew that.
Fun Sink: What do you mean you never knew that?
Husband: Like, [her mother] would go to [her father's] side of the family stuff. I mean I don't don't remember her ever saying...
Fun Sink: [sarcastically] Oh she and [my mother's sister in law] were real close.
Husband: I have no idea. I have no idea. But regardless I feel like, uh, you know, I know you feel like you've done your best to include her, and I know you've done things to include her, I...you know, I...I think there are times where she doesn't necessarily feel included.
Fun Sink: Such as?
Husband: So, like, I think she would love to help set up for Passover. She has said to me many times, "Why doesn't...you know, why don't I get invited to set up for Passover? It's my thing. Like, I can help with the tables; I can help set up." And you always, you always say you don't need help, and you end up doing it, I guess with [cousin]. And you know, but sometimes [sister-in-law] comes over and helps set up, and I feel like that's one, that's just one example where I think it would be nice if she could, like, help you set up. I know you talk about how difficult it is to pull it off now. Like, let her help with that.
Fun Sink: You know, [dramatic pause] I understand your situation. That's all I can say. So...I don't want you to be in the middle of this, and...
Husband: Well, what does that—
Fun Sink: And I don't want hard feelings because... [sniffle] just...
Husband: Well what do you mean you understand my situation? Just that?
Fun Sink: That you're caught in the middle and I don't want to to be that way. [emotion]...But...
Husband: Well, let's just see what, you know, try to work through this stuff over time but, you I know, I...I...I...I don't know. I mean, I'm sorry that, uh, you don't feel appreciated, but, but I don't think that post was necessarily intended the way you might have taken it. I don't think she was trying to be mean about it, I think, I mean you're right. It could have been done in two sentences, maybe, but I think she was just trying to explain it. But...
Fun Sink: Well.
Husband: But, I understand and I, you know, I love you both, and I know how much you love the kids and so. And, I don't know. I don't want it to end up being this passive aggressive thing where if you're, if you do feel upset about something that you just keep it in and don't talk about it. It's better if we all just talk through it, or at least you and I talk, and I talk to Hunter if you all can't talk directly about it.
Fun Sink: [crying] Well, I think that, uh, you know, it's probably me and I just need to go to a...counselor or somebody, because... [voice cracking with emotion]
Husband: I mean. I don't know. If you want to do something together, we can do like family therapy together if you want. I mean I don't think that's a bad idea; I think it could be helpful. You know, I think...I think, I know, I didn't realize in this situation that, that, that [Eldest] reached out to you and that you then told her to ask, um, [Twinkle] about it. I didn't understand the, like one of the things that [Twinkle] mentioned to me just because, since we're talking about it I kind of want your view on what actually happened, but when we were at Grandma's for her birthday, I think I was in the kitchen, and [Twinkle] afterwards was really upset and was crying at home, saying that you said "Pretty is as pretty does," multiple times and so, like, I don't know was that, like, a slight against her?
Fun Sink: Nooooooo.
Husband: So what?
Fun Sink: One of the kids was saying something, I don't even remember what they said, and I said, "Grandma always said, 'pretty is as pretty does.'"
Husband: Ohhhhhh. Ok. Yeah. Ok
Fun Sink: I was not—
Husband: See I mean that, that again. It's just a situation where people are taking things the way they might not have been been intended, so I don't know. I mean I'm. Look, I think it's helpful for us to talk and not keep things in side
Fun Sink: Honey. [bitter laughter] I have fifteen years worth of inside that you'll never know.
Husband: I'm sorry to hear that.
Fun Sink: [bitter laughter] Its...you know it's...I know you have to go so anyway.
Husband: What time is it?
Fun Sink: Huh?
Husband: What times is it? Oh yeah. Yeah.
Fun Sink: Alright. We'll see you later.
Husband: Alright we'll see you tonight. Love you. Bye.
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