OK, I've gone from being very hopeful and excited to being a ball of anxiety. I started off worrying about what I would do when they hand me a newborn to take home -and now I am principally worried that they won't.
The birthmother missed a lawyer's appointment on Friday, which could be a simple scheduling snafu (she originally had an appointment at the agency on Friday which was moved up, and personally I didn't realize there was a separate appointment with the lawyer, so maybe she didn't either) or it could be that she is having second thoughts. I and my stomach lining do not need this kind of stress.
I think part of the problem is that I feel like I am in the first trimester "we're hopeful and excited but we know to be cautious because things could go bad suddenly" phase, but because of the timing, I have to act like I am in the third trimester "there's a baby coming any day, arrange your schedule accordingly and set up the nursery" phase.
I had to call two sets of other lawyers and the court and move a trial date yesterday. It made me want to throw up. If I tell all these strangers that we are expecting a baby and then she changes her mind and we don't get one after all, I'm going to look completely pathetic. And I don't mind looking pathetic to you girls, but it's not the kind of laundry I like to air with people I hardly know.
As I said to LoLa the other day, I know the Lord is working for the best, and if that means I get a heaping dose of humility instead of a baby, well - I probably need it. But it isn't going to be fun.
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