Fun Sink's arrogance never ceases to astound me.
So Little Lord Fun Sink's arrival is set for mid- to late-August. My money's on mid, so that the bris will fall perfectly on the weekend of the Pink Tie Ball, because this family loves nothing more than to ignore the existence of my social life and prevent me from attending social functions whenever possible. Regardless of when he's born, I'm sure the Fun Sink contingency will be staying up there for weeks after the birth, because everyone knows new mothers don't have their sh!t together* and they need Fun Sink to cook, clean, tend to the baby, and tell them what to do in their own homes.
Here's the big problem: Rosh Hashanah 2013. It's early, y'all. It's the first week of September, and no matter when Little Lord Fun Sink is born, I'm sure everyone will still be up in Connecticut, either planning or recovering from the biggest quinoa, kale, and purified water-soaked bris American Jewry has ever seen. Which begs the question: who is going to make our local Rosh Hashanah dinner happen?????
Now, in a normal world here's how it would go: anyone who's in Connecticut would make dinner for the people who are going to be in Connecticut, and the people who are in Connecticut would eat that dinner together. The rest of us poor suckers back home would either do our own thing, or meet somewhere and all bring our own covered dish. No big deal. The cuisine probably wouldn't stand up to Fun Sink's standards of kosherness, but she wouldn't even be there to worry about it, so why care?
Instead this is a major source of stress for her. The handwringing has already begun. What's going to happen this year on Rosh Hashanah? Where's everyone going to go? Who's going to cook for them? What if we're still up there? How can we make any plans at all if we don't know the exact arrival date of Little Lord Fun Sink? When is the earliest date I can bake and freeze a noodle kugel and still have it taste fresh and delicious when served? And, if I went that route, is Aunt Gail even capable of thawing/serving it?!?!?
The arrogance! I'm pretty sure Rosh Hashanah will go on, even if she's not there to provide/complain about/oversee a banquet spread for 50 people. (If anything, it's a much-needed chance to trim the guest list of randos). But, instead of letting her family and friends figure things out for themselves, I am almost positive she'll be staying up late all summer, cooking and freezing beef briskets and baked turkey, and all sorts of unseasoned broccoli and zucchini blends. I can't wait to watch her try to control the whole thing from afar. If it happens, I will laugh and laugh. And then I will bring some herbs and spices to make those bland vegetables edible.
*I'm in no way claiming to have my sh*t together, but that doesn't mean I want Fun Sink running so much as the dishwasher at Chez Twinkle.
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