Julep: (cont.)

Act Three. Mr. J and I discussed Bear's birthday amongst ourselves on Thursday (or thereabouts). We didn't specify which of us would have to break the news to Mr. Mama - apparently we were both hoping that the other would get the follow-up phone call about weekend planning and have to wrestle that gator.

Well, as it turned out, the next word spoken came at 3 pm on Sunday, when Mr-Mama left me a voicemail in which she said, "Just checking to make sure we are on track for this afternoon, for you all to come over around 4, open Bear's presents, and grill some burgers." Wha-wha-what?

My first (unfair) assumption was that she had made these plans with Mr. J after talking with me on Tuesday, and he had shirked on telling her NO to the early birthday celebration. Nope. Mr-Mama made these plans all on her own and even invited Nanny to come, but she didn't bother to call either Mr. J or me. Why? I'm putting my money on "passive aggressive manipulation" and not wanting to talk to me after I told her to stop buying my kid ugly clothes. Regardless, she hadn't checked with us.

In response to her voicemail, Mr. J called her to tell her that we didn't want to celebrate Bear's birthday early. She screamed at him that I had already told her we could do it and hung up on him. After the inevitable marital bickering, I called her back, planning to offer to come for dinner but holding firm on the birthday. Instead, as soon as I said hello she insisted to me that I had told her we would come for dinner. When I told her that was untrue, she said Mr. J had told her. And, she said, if we didn't want to celebrate Bear's birthday early we should have told her before 3:30 that we weren't coming at 4. I said, "Mr. Mama, we didn't either of us realize you were expecting us at 4 until I heard your voicemail." And ... she hung up on me. How's that for mature?

Now, I can see we aren't blameless. Mr. J or I should have called Mr. Mama once we discussed the birthday and told her right away that we didn't want to do it this weekend. But we were expecting her to call one of us to make a specific weekend plan. Neither of us wanted to initiate a call because we both knew that telling her we wouldn't do what she wanted would inevitably result in her pitching a fit. She puts everyone in fear of making her mad, and as a result, she gets her way.

(On a broader scale, this has caused us problems: Mr. J is conditioned to expect discord and often won't speak up when he disagrees with me, because he thinks it will provoke a fight. Meanwhile, I get upset that he won't talk through things and come to a resolution.)

I told Mr. J, I tell the Bear that I don't respond to tantrums. When he screams in my face, he has taken his request off the list of things I will do for him. Mr-Mama is a lot older but the same rule applies. If she thinks she can throw a tantrum and get her own way, she can think twice.

Saddle up, kids. Looks like a bumpy ride ahead.