Julep: what a conundrum

We went to a wedding reception on Sunday for the last of our supper club friends to get married. They eloped in September - this was just the celebration for family and friends. It was very nice, although I did note that the groom seemed a little over it. When they cut the cake, the bride gave a little speech welcoming and thanking everyone; he was silent. Now maybe he is just not one for public speaking. But it reminded me of the circumstances of the nupitals. Pardon me if you've heard this before....

They had been dating for some time when her apartment was robbed, about two years ago. Citing security fears, she moved into his place. OK, sure -- probably that would have happened eventually anyway, right? After a year or so of cohabitation, Mr. J and I were wondering if they would get married; a friend who knows her better reported that they had agreed to a deadline by which he was supposed to propose. That deadline came and went, without a proposal. (Always problematic.) Then she got pregnant. (The weirdest thing about it was her email to the supper club friends: she said, "Ladies, I have an announcement. I am joining your ranks. [Groom] and I are expecting....") Then they got engaged. Then they lost the baby (genetic defect, very sad). Then they eloped to Key West. Then, this reception.   

While all of this has been unfolding between Bride and Groom, my college roommate down in Atlanta has been struggling with parallel relationship issues. Her boyfriend moved into her place two years ago, after three years of dating. They too had a deadline for getting engaged, and he let it pass. She's not very good at confrontation, and she stewed on it for ten more months. They finally broke up two weeks ago. I hate it for her, but I can't say it would be better had she followed Bride's path.

I hope Bride and Groom will be happy for many years together, but the whole thing seems so forced. Not that I feel sorry for Groom. When you live with a woman over 35 and you know Marriage and Family are part of her life plan, you need to make that happen or break up with her. If you don't step up and she skips her pills? well, I don't condone her dishonesty but I also don't condone stringing someone along, burning through the last years of her fertility because you like company and don't want to drop the hammer.