Julep ... I forgot about this

While I'm here, let me fill y'all in on the St [Somebody] School Centennial that Mr. J and I went to earlier this month. It was a giant dinner function at the [Riverfront] Hotel, and let me just say: Can we get some Junior Leaguers up in here please?

If you are throwing a giant dinner for a Catholic parish, particularly the Catholic parish with our city's largest summer picnic, what is the number one thing you must supply? Booze. This is not rocket science. That first bar right past the check-in table needs to be fully stocked with everything, and then add a couple extra cases to be on the safe side. There is no excuse for that bar to shut down while people are still getting their name tags. And then the next bar shut down too! They made everyone in line go get drinks from the bars in the ballroom. And this was the big ballroom - there were only two bars open during the dinner, and it had to be close to a thousand people in there. A thousand thirsty people - who were paying cash for their drinks.

And there's another thing. If you are charging $50 a head for a dinner -- no band, we are just talking facility rental and meal - you need to throw people a couple of drink tickets. I'm not saying you have to have an open bar: although Lord knows that is preferable, I understand that's not always economically feasible and plus there are liability issues. But come on, who doesn't feel happier at a party with a couple of drink tickets clutched in her hot little hand?

Then there was the food. It was all "stations" which is perfectly fine, but if you are going to make people run all over the damn ballroom for a full meal, you need to make sure that the stations are stocked. Nobody wants to stand in line for ten minutes only to discover that the prime rib is all gone and you've been waiting this whole time for turkey. And here's a tip: nobody in this crowd wanted the turkey. Refer back to paragraph 1 and consider your demographic.

Last but not least, if you have a program to put on, do a dry run to make sure your speakers can keep it in their assigned time frames, and start on time. When your little card says that the program will start at 7:30 and be over at 8:30, people tell the sitter they will be home around 10. When you start the program at closer to 8:00 and you're still rambling on up there at 9:36, people in the audience are texting each other things like "OMG GET THE HOOK." Not the note you meant to end on.

Oh, one more thing. Sing-alongs only work if everyone in the audience knew the song when they came in.

Sigh. With all of that, it was still a good night. The crowd was lots of fun, and I just felt like that crowd deserved better. You know St Somebody must have plenty of JL alums running their PTA. I really wish one of them had taken some time to whip the planning committee into shape.