Twinkle: The Mitzvah of Mishloach Manot

Well, it's Purim, and y'all know what that means: Fun Sink is doing her annual duty of delivering little Purim gift baskets to family and friends.

This is good news for me, not only because I am a recipient of one of these coveted baskets, but also because she employs my children in the baking, stuffing, and delivering of the mishloach manot. Just so y'all know, I just learned how to spell that and I still can't pronounce it, but here's a translation: it means that I got two afternoons off this week. One while they baked, one while they delivered. So you won't hear me complaining about that. Yay, Purim!

I actually do like Purim, because it's the one holiday that actually seems happy. I mean, sure the evil king was going to kill all the Jews; that's a bit of a downer. But then the lovely Queen Esther comes along and uses her feminine charms to convince him not to. Or something. (Wait--was Queen Esther's husband really a bad guy? Did she actually bone with some murderous anti-Semite who wanted to kill everybody? That doesn't sound right. Did someone say "use your imagination, wink wink" when describing how Queen Esther convinced him not kill everyone, or was that my French professor talking about the study sessions between Heloise and Abelard? I have no idea). Anyway, it's the one holiday where Jews are supposed to cut loose and have a little fun--Mr. Twinks claims you're commanded to get so drunk you can't tell the evil King Haman's name from anybody else's--so naturally it's a holiday I can get behind.

Of course, Fun Sink has to take the Mardi Gras of Judiasm and turn it into another depressing and joyless obligation. And, I swear I don't mean this bitchy, but here is a picture of the basket:

And here are the contents: some dried bananas and apricots, hamantaschen (not all they're cracked up to be), trail mix, some fruit bars, and kosher grape juice. I'm sorry, what? Did someone say grape juice? Am I supposed to get excited about grape juice? Who the fuck is even going to drink that? I mean, I know we have little kids so obviously they could drink it, but is Fun Sink actually delivering grape juice to adults, in the name of celebration and excess? I know those dried apricots are decadent and all; I wouldn't want anyone to go overboard. 

I told Mr. Twinks that if it were me, I'd deliver a split of Veuve Clicquot to my friends and family (same size, infinitely more exciting). He said we should do it next year. But getting into a big fat mishloach manot contest with Fun Sink is not my goal. How about I just buy some Veuve and drink it myself? Or y'all could come over and help me. All in the name of Purim, of course.

Also, can we talk about the plate that all this was delivered on?

Where do you even get a Purim plate? Obviously they're not that common (if they were, who would choose this monstrosity?). I think if it were between this plate and something plain, or just a generic Mardi Gras themed plate with masks on it or something, or any plate other than this, I would go with the alternative. Here are some close-up highlights. I'm not even sure I want this plate in my house. Good luck not having nightmares tonight.