Julep: what we have here is a failure to communicate

Mr. J is off sailing again this weekend. I talked to my MIL earlier this week, and she said she'd like to have the kids come play at her house sometime. "That would be great," I said; "We have plans on Sunday and we'll be going to church on Saturday evening, but I have a lot of errands to run and it would be such a help if they could hang out with you for a while."

She sent me an email today and suggested that the kids could come over Saturday afternoon so I could run my errands or get a pedicure or go to church, and then I can come back around dinnertime and we can order a pizza and I can look at the sample clothes from her Expensive Clothes party.

Well, this would not be helpful. I know perfectly well what was going on in her head. She doesn't like to get up in the mornings, and would prefer to loll around in her pajamas until noon. I feel that - I would love a pajama-lolling myself. But you know, I already told her that we were going to church Saturday evening - it's her church too, she's well aware of what time Saturday Mass starts and she knows that they can't be relied on to wake up from naps before 3:30. I would get them over to her house, run maybe one errand, and then come back and have to drag them to church when they are not nearly tired of her toys yet.

But did you catch the key piece from her idea? I would leave the kids with her while I go to church. She thought to herself, "Julep can go to church by herself and that way I can sleep in."

Last month I let her keep the kids while I went to church on Sunday evening. And I did not feel right about it at all. My conscience was pricking me all through Mass, and I actually missed having them there squirming around in the pew. I decided I don't want to do that any more. And when I picked them up from her house that evening, I thanked her profusely and told her that the time alone with my thoughts helped me realize that even though it's hard to take both of them by myself when Mr. J is gone, I can manage, and I want to manage. It is important to me that my kids go with me to church on Sunday, every week.

I do my level best to be diplomatic with her but that woman just does not listen.

Oh, and the Expensive Clothes? I have told her the last two times that they just don't cut their clothes for me. They are beautiful, but they don't make petites. It is really nice that she wants to give me things, but I don't need any of the things she wants me to have, and all the sleeves and hems are several inches too long.

She doesn't care what I actually need, she only cares about what she wants to give.