Twinkle: Mother’s Day. Sigh.

My niece ended up staying for a week during Passover, and I love her so much. One day, she had the idea to go shopping, so I busted my girls out of school on a beautiful Thursday and we went to the mall. My MIL generously gave all the girls $100 cash to shop with, which was so nice of her and of course I thanked her profusely. I’ll never accuse her of lacking generosity; sometimes I do think she tries to buy affection because she knows she’s nasty…but that’s another topic.

Her only stipulation was not to let the girls get anything too immodest. So, of course, I let them get whatever they wanted and didn’t interfere with their choices. Among other choice wardrobe investments, my niece got one of those bras that you wear as a shirt with sweatpants, my middle got a tiny midriff-bearing tee that says “Chaotic,” and my youngest blew the entire hundred dollars on Sephora. My eldest bought a lip gloss and pocketed the rest, presumably so she and her bestie can bribe someone at CVS to buy them some White Claw again. Suck it, Grams!

I’ve been trying to have a better attitude about her, and not think about her and just be happy. I’ve mostly succeeded, but now it’s Mother’s Day and apparently I have to see her, and I really don’t want to. My FIL made brunch reservations. At Ditto’s. Did you all even know that place is still open? Apparently it is, and apparently I’m expected to go have a bacon- and mimosa-free brunch there with my MIL on Mother’s Day, which is the one day that’s supposed to be about me. And I don’t want to. 

Last year I got out of it because I did a night at the Omni with some friends. This was in the middle of all the drama, and I sort of thought I was setting a precedent of making Mother’s Day about me. Of course I wouldn’t mind sharing the day, if she were nice. Growing up I always went to church with my family on Mother’s Day, and then we would go to brunch to celebrate my mother and grandmother—usually at the Terrace (which I still miss). It was a given that we would celebrate all the mothers together. But they were nice to each other. My MIL is a monster to me, so I don’t really feel like going to Ditto’s and pretending we like each other, when everyone knows we don’t.

Another part of it is missing church. I know that sounds crazy, but church has truly helped me have a better attitude about her. It has helped me be more patient and forgiving, and more able to let it all roll off. I don’t want to miss it, for brunch with her. 

And I really don’t now the right thing to do. I try to be gracious, to show up for my husband, to smile and take the abuse and say a prayer for her every time I think something mean about her or call her a bad name in my head. That has been my strategy, and it has mostly worked. Is it selfish not to show up for brunch on Mother’s Day, or is it self-preservation? Is the right thing to go to church, skip brunch, and risk damaging an already shaky relationship? Or do I show up and smile again, and try again, knowing she is never going to like me no matter what I do, or how many times I show up or don’t show up? I truly don’t know the right thing to do.