Twinkle: the Circle of Life

Here's the thing about babies: the more you're around them, the better you are at taking care of them. It's the reason why complete novices to babysitting actually turn out to be decent mothers most of the time--because practice makes perfect. It's true that those first few months with a baby are trial by fire, but when it comes to parenting (as with so many other things), the best way to learn is by doing. It's a bit like making a souffle...no one can tell you how. You just have to follow the directions the best you can, and maybe you do break a few eggs and make a mess along the way. Everyone will mess it up at some point, but you try it all again another day, and in the end you hope for something delicious.

I say all this not to give lofty advice from the trenches, but to point out that this is one point my mother-in-law cannot grasp. It's no secret that she can't fathom that I have my sh*t together when it comes to parenting, but--worse, I believe--she can't allow herself to get excited for her own daughter's pregnancy, because all she sees when she looks at her daughter is a novice who knows nothing about childcare. Why would she know anything? She's never been around a baby...but I guarantee you she will learn pretty darn fast when Dec. 14 rolls around and somebody has to keep that baby fed and happy. It's true that my sister-in-law is inexperienced. Who isn't? I'm inexperienced with 18-month-olds...but in a month I'll be an expert at it and we'll be moving on to the next phase. I have no idea what's involved in potty training, for instance...but, you know what? When the time comes to potty train, I will learn everything there is to know about it and do my best to help my child be successful.

My mother-in-law has completely forgotten the most basic tenets of parenting: do the best you can and learn from everything. I don't even care about the snide remarks or the assumption that Twinklette doesn't eat enough vegetables (she is a wonderful eater, by the way, and eats whatever Mr. Twinkle and I are eating for our meals, but somehow my MIL believes all we ever feed her is mac-and-cheese and cookies). I just find it incredibly sad that my MIL--a mother herself--can't get excited and share the path to motherhood with her own daughter, because of her biases against people who have never taken care of a baby before. Does my MIL assume that she herself was born knowing how to care for an infant? Or does she really believe, after all those years she put in as a mother, that she has license to judge other mothers' lack of experience? I've got news: it's those years that make us all better. Everyone starts somewhere, and I find it really sad for that mother/daughter relationship that my MIL can't rejoice in her daughter's pregnancy.

Yes, Twinklette is my baby, but when/if she ever chooses to become a mother, I promise to trust her, no matter how young and inexperienced she seems compared to all the years I've put in. Everything I do now is teaching her how, and someday I'm going to have to trust her with it. I wish, for my MIL's sake, she could do the same.