Twinkle: F*ck off

They're not words that Twinklette hears every day...or ever, for that matter. I know I'm not the perfect mother. If I were I'd probably sing the clean-up song more often and not harbor such disdain for those stick figure families you see on the back of minivans. Like anyone else, I have my slip-ups, like the time in Costco when I remembered too late about their cash/check-only policy and said to myself, "Sh*t," only to hear 13-month-old Twinklette repeat it back to me. I am not that big of a curser, but sometimes the situation warrants it. After the Costo episode, I have tried to hold my tongue so as not to foster bad habits and tackiness in Twinklette. "F*ck off" is not a phrase that I have ever used a whole lot, even when provoked, because it just seems unintelligent to me. I like to think that, when the opportunity presents itself, I can come up with something better than "Oh yeah? Well f*ck off!"

And yet, now it seems that Twinklette's favorite series of syllables to pronounce is, "F*ck-awf*ck-awf*ckawf*ckawf*ckaaaawwwww!" It's a charming display, especially since Mr. Twinkle cracked up the first time she did it even as I tried to ignore it. Then he told her not to say that anymore, which led her to mouth the syllables without letting any sound come out. (Because Twinklette loves to push the envelope). She has other syllabic patterns that she likes to repeat; it just so happens that this series makes it seem like she's been raised by the Flavor of Love girls.

I know that it's only a matter of time before she commences this endearing routine in front of my mother-in-law, which will only confirm what she already knew about me: that I'm the Andrew Dice Clay of pool moms. And I'm wondering if it's bad of me to hope, since Twinklette will inevitably say it at some point, that she will save it for the perfect time.

MIL: What does the duck say?!?!?!?! What color is it!?!?!?! How many are there!?!?!?! (because everything has to be educational, all the freakin' time!)

I'm hoping my child chooses this moment to echo the sentiment I have felt so many times, answering with a nice, enthusiastic, "F*ckawf*ckawf*ck-aaaawwwww!"