Twinkle: Raciness at the Family Dinner

There's a certain girl who used to be in Junior League until she quit, believe it nor not, because she felt the League had too much socializing and not enough social action. She's a published authority on subjects such as holistic pregnancy, natural childbirth, and militant lactivism. Y'all know who I mean.

Anyway, I really like this girl, even though we have differing visions for the League. She really does have a good sense of humor and is really nice, plus she has a daughter Twinklette's age (in addition to like 10 other kids of varying ages...odds are, if you have a child, she has one the same age). I just wanted to say that this post is not about me badmouthing or making fun of her, and even though I am all pro-C-section, all the time, I still like her and totally respect her field and her beliefs.

Alright...so tonight at dinner, Scott's aunt was talking about how this girl is an authority on natural childbirth, and has written books, and is respected in the doula-loving crunchy mom community, and then she leaned in for a whisper, and I leaned in too because I knew it was about to get interesting. "You know...she's written a book on, like, sex during pregnancy and how to keep it hot and spicy." She said this in front of everyone at our end of the table: Mr. Twinkle's dad, mom, grandma, grandma's best friend, the best friend's husband, and a few aunts and uncles.

MIL threw up her hands and exclaimed, "Let's not go there!" just as I squealed (more out of curiosity than anything), "I want to read it!" I mean, I love this chica, but she's not who I would turn to for sex tips...plus I think it would be fascinating to read a book of sex tips written by someone I know. The whole thing has a circus tent appeal for me. But, yes, I did exclaim in the middle of dinner, in front of my husband's entire extended family, that I'd like to read a mutual acquaintance's book about pregnant sex tips. If that's not enough to start a few rumors in the family, I don't know what is.

Y'all know that Mr. Twinkle and I don't have any problems in the hot and spicy department, and I'm pretty sure that, after my appalling outburst, my MIL caught me coming on to Mr. Twinkle during dessert. He had a plate full of banana pudding, and I said, "Oh--we should take some of that home. For later." (I don't have to tell y'all that this was a reference to a past sexcapade). MIL looked at me right when I said "For later" and made meaningful eye contact with Mr. Twinkle. Awkward.

I'm sure she's sufficiently disturbed for the weekend, as are all of you.

Also, my grandma-in-law kept talking about SIL's new baby's seperation anxiety, and how she cries when anyone but my SIL holds her. I've never heard any of these people discussing seperation anxiety as it relates to my daughter...she could be crying with her arms around my neck screaming "Mommy, Mommy!" as my MIL demands a kiss from her, and they'll be all, "Don't you feed her? She's obviously hungry." So the total tally of "all moms suck vs. SIL is the perfect mom," is currently one and one. But the weekend is young...