Well, it's official. The fertility specialist has struck out. Three turkey-baster procedures, accompanied by copious comments about how good everything looks, but no baby.
I've called to make an appointment to talk to the doctor about any other medical measures, but I'm not optimistic. I'm sure he will offer IVF, but (leaving aside the fact that it's creepy and my Church forbids it) it really doesn't make sense for us. Mr. J has a high sperm count, I ovulate like clockwork and my fallopian tubes are squeaky clean. They don't have any idea why the minimally-invasive procedure failed three times, so why would I sign up for a majorly-invasive procedure? (Particularly one that's colossally expensive, not covered by insurance, and has a 20% success rate.)
Mr. J and I had a long talk this morning, and agreed that we are going to start investigating adoption. We don't really have any idea what that will entail, but I guess we'll figure it out. I've called a few friends who have adopted to ask if we can talk to them about the process and the experience - I want to talk to other friends who were adopted, to get their take on things. And of course there's Google. But frankly the whole thing is kind of a mystery, and it's hard to get up the motivation to wade in and figure it all out.
For the first time in my life, I really feel like a failure. As St Teresa of Avila once said to God, "Lord, if this is how You treat Your friends, it is no wonder You have so few."
Oh, Julep...I am so sorry to hear that. Just know that your friends are supporting you. I'm glad you're checking into adoption--there are several parents at Twinklette's school who have adopted from Guatemala (it's very chic among the gay dad contingency of the school). We are here to support you and will be cheering for you during whatever process you go through to become a mother.
ReplyDeletexo,
Twinkle