So I talked to my friend who adopted from one of the two non-profit adoption agencies in our town and is now on its board of directors. I learned that adopting with them will cost us a minimum of $27,000 in fees (maybe more), with a projected wait of two years, and a 25% disruption rate, meaning that the birthmother changes her mind before the adoption is final.
The $27,000 is actually a bargain. If we go with a for-profit national agency, while the waits are shorter, the fees go up to about $50,000. I checked some websites and notice that none of the national agencies will say how much they charge. Evidently if you have to ask, you can't afford it.
My friend said that when they left the hospital with her adopted daughter, the agency worker warned her, "Don't fall in love with that baby - she's not yours yet." In Kentucky it takes 30 to 60 days to finalize an adoption. Since I am terrified of tiny infants as a general rule anyway, I can imagine what success I will have at bonding with a newborn whom I can't nurse and must be prepared to relinquish at any moment.
Did I mention the $50,000?
Mr. J talks so little about how he feels, and I know it's because he wants to be strong for me. But his good friend who now lives in Chicago stopped by yesterday with his wife and 6-month-old, and when they left, Mr. J said, "I almost teared up looking at that baby and knowing we aren't going to have our own."
God sucks. That is all.
Julep! My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry. Don't lose faith...but don't let the pope dissuade you from any options which god has made available through medical research and advancements, because god will love your children however they come to be. My 2 cents for now. love!
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