Hanukkah Dramakkah

So Mr. Twinkle's cousin is a little intense and she gets offended at the slightest little thing, and I just don't have time to deal with her. She's the type who will call me to ask what my children want for Hanukkah, but then when I say, "What do yours want?" she will want me to call her back later on that night. Sorry, b*tch. You get one phone conversation at a time. I texted her (yesterday) to see what they wanted, but didn't hear back until last night (she wanted me to have to track her down instead of the other way around, probably). She finally called last night, desperately looking for me once again to respond to the text message. Too late--her kids are getting gift cards.

Well, tonight she passive-aggressively b*tched me out over some coupon books that were Twinklette's school fundraiser last fall. Yeah, I forgot to get them to her, because honestly the damn things are not my top priority (it's not like she'd paid for them, either...we had a strictly verbal agreement over them). We wrote a check to the school for them in September, and if family members want to buy them that's cool, but I don't have the time, energy, or inclination to hit up family and friends to sell them. I have two children, one of whom is rather high maintenance, and a husband who belongs on the show Hoarders; my day is spent wiping *ss and trying to tame clutter...not to mention all the Christmukkah magic I'm responsible for this time of year. I couldn't care less about some damn coupon books.

So tonight she came up to me with a huge, intense, maniacal smile.

Her: Do you ever check your messages?

Me: Oh, sometimes. But...not today.

Her: You know, with all the social things that you do, I'd think you would check your messages.

Me: Yes, it's one of my many shortcomings.

Her: Well, did you bring the coupon books?

Me: Oh, I forgot. I'm sorry.

Her: If you'd checked your messages you would have known that I wanted a coupon book.

Me: Yes, I know. I'm not perfect. I forgot.

Her: I really need the coupon book.

Me: I'm sorry. I don't have it.

Her: Because, if I can't get it from you, I'm going to get it somewhere else.

Me: That's fine. If you need to do that, I totally understand.

Her: I really want to get it from you, but I can get it at Kroger if I need to.

Me: Well, if you need it right now, maybe you should just get it at Kroger, then.

Her: Because, the thing is, I've already needed the coupon book.

Me: OK, well if you need it, you should just go ahead and get it somewhere else.

Her: See, the old books expired December 1.

Me: Well, do what you need to do. I understand.

Her: I mean, if you could just give it to David, then we could get it from him.

Me: OK. I can do that.

Her: Because we see him a lot, so you don't even need to bring it to me. Just give it to him and he will get it to us.

Me: OK. That's fine.

Anyway it went on and on with her pushing the issue and me agreeing with her/not caring until she finally turned and walked off in a huff. It was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen, because the maniacal smile did not leave her face the entire time, and I just wanted the conversation to be over. Then she didn't talk to me again the rest of the night until the very end, when she thrust $40 in my face and put her order in for 2 coupon books.

(P.S. Do you love value? Coupon books still available!)