Twinkle: Score One For Me!

I've managed to piss off Fun Sink, and I didn't even have to get pregnant or homeschool my children! All I had to do was join a certain cultlike swimming pool and have A drop it into the conversation that she needs some new bathing suits, because she doesn't want to contaminate our new pool with the germs from the JCC.

In my defense, we talked a lot about germs this winter, and I was obsessed with not bringing germs into the house because Baby B was too little to have a flu shot, so I was constantly stripping my children down and bathing them whenever they entered the house, to eradicate outside germs. That's where she got her ideas about germs--not because I told her the JCC had some kind of special germs that we don't want to go spreading around. I actually don't even know if A mentioned her JCC germ theory to Fun Sink, as she did to my mother in part of a larger plot to get my mom to buy her a new bathing suit. But I do like to picture it going down like that.

Anyway, Fun Sink and FIL are in panic mode because now the Twinkle family will not be exclusively swimming with the Jews. Because the JCC is just soooooooo Jewish and no goyim swim there at all.

Here is the reality of the swimming situation in the Jewish community: the Jews are all swimming at a). Standard, b). the pool at Sutherland, c). the Northeast Family Y, because the JCC's facilities are sub-par and not everyone is as willing as Mr. Twinkle to swim at a suck-ass pool out of loyalty to Zion. Even the most dedicated Jews go to their neighborhood pools or to Standard (which I actually heard just closed except for golf--that will be a major blow to snobby Jewry in our fair city). In recent years, the clientele of the JCC was mostly aging Russian immigrants who subscribe to the PB, Attorney-At-Law philosophy of locker room etiquette, and perfectly nice Highlands moms who haven't yet found their golden ticket into you-know-where.

Anyway, the disapproval from Fun Sink was palpable. And we haven't done anything wrong--we're just doing what Jews and gentiles alike do every day of every summer: swimming somewhere other than the JCC. Here's what I say: up your game, JCC--make people want to swim there and you won't have to depend on sympathy memberships from families like ours. If they act now maybe they can poach some disenfranchised Standard members who are drifting aimlessly...because we know those people are not going to Big Spring.