Julep: specialization of labor

Maternity leave is kicking my butt. I cried most of the afternoon yesterday and picked two enormous fights with Mr. J last night and this morning (or maybe one long fight with a nap in the middle). We are not thriving on so much togetherness. We just don't prioritize the same things when it comes to how to fill time, and this close up view on how the other person spends his time engenders a lot of frustration.

But that is not what I came here to write about - I am here to talk about yesterday's tear fest. My mom, bless her litt!e heart, was trying so hard to be helpful when I told her that I have run out of new ideas for things to do with the Bear. (It's been six weeks. We've been more than once to the zoo, the library, multiple parks ... thank heavens the pool is now open.) She sent me a bunch of links to websites that are full of ideas for things you can do with your toddler- make finger paint out of cornstarch and food coloring, and sh!t like that. Instead of feeling inspired I felt profoundly depressed.

I hate crafts. There's a reason I refuse to take part in Pinterest. It makes me feel hugely inadequate. I love my kid, I really do, but I don't want to spend my afternoon on fingerpaint. The worst part is, I am sure he would really love it. So I feel like a crappy mom because I am denying him the opportunity to spend the afternoon playing arctic explorer with a laundry tub of ice water and whatever the hell else the stay-at-home-moms on the internets have dreamed up lately.

My hat is off to everyone who wants to live this full-time parent gig. Truly, you have my respect. But I am not cut out for it anymore than I think the average stay-at-home mom is cut out to spend her hours as a litigator. It's not a question of one job being harder or better or smarter or whatever. There are all kinds of dogs, right? (Stick with me here.) There are dogs that herd sheep and dogs that pull carts and dogs that retrieve ducks. And right now I feel like a dog with a very well-trained nose, and suddenly I'm spending twelve weeks pulling a dog sled. I'm not built for this work.