Twinkle: Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be B*tchy Mothers-in-Law

I had an epiphany while I was in the shower, letting my mind wander to thoughts of genealogy.

Most of y'all know my sweet grandmother, a true kind-hearted Southern lady. She finds friends wherever she goes--even on Facebook--and she doesn't discriminate based on social class, race (she's 95! Take that, Paula Deen), or even age. She'll be the one talking to some toothless tacky person in the Target, and all the current sorority girls at her college consider her a friend--because, yes, she volunteers there daily. She's not afraid to get her hands dirty philanthropically (like I so hate to do). She personally takes up with immigrants, unwed teenage mothers, people in prison, and the elderly--most of whom are younger than she is--and makes sure they all have winter coats, food on the table, and access to the Bible. Did I mention everybody likes her? And she likes everybody. Just last night she mentioned to me that she wants to start visiting people in nursing homes, where she plans to read them entertaining short stories.

But she had mother-in-law issues.

And then I started thinking about her mom, Nanna, who died when I was a baby, but who was apparently just as sweet, and who also had mother-in-law issues. Her mother-in-law didn't like her specifically because she came from a WASPy family and wasn't German. (I like to imagine that mean mother-in-law spinning in her grave if she ever thinks of me).

Anyway...I was thinking about these mothers-in-law, and how I'm actually their direct descendant. I've heard tales of their meanness, but all my life I never considered that these noted b*tches are a part of my family tree; I have never thought of them as great-grandmothers. I've only thought of them as mothers-in-law, mean old crones who enjoyed pointing out the runs in peoples' pantyhose. (Thank goodness I don't wear pantyhose anymore--I'm sure Fun Sink would eat that sh*t right up). Imagine my surprise when I realized these mean mothers-in-law are actually related to me!

I don't claim to be nearly as sweet as my grandmother or Nanna--that's not what this is about. Although I do think they were wrongly persecuted by their mothers-in-law and I think I'm wrongly persecuted by mine. My point is this: their meanness damaged their images to the child of a future generation (me). Because my grandmother and Nanna were the ones raising the children, and the ones passing down their own traditions and stories. And among those stories were a few sad tales of mother-in-law meanness, the specifics of which I don't even remember. Except for the bit about the pantyhose--that always stood out.

They made their choices; they withdrew their support. And the family sort of went on without  them. They made themselves footnotes to the family story, instead of part of the real action. It's a cautionary tale, really. Fun Sink should take note. But she won't. And one day my children will see her for who she is. I'm sure they'll always love her--and they should, because she's their grandmother and it would be sad if they didn't. But nobody likes it when somebody's mean to their mother, and she's risking making herself a footnote in their family story.