Twinkle: Be Cool, Mr. Twinkle. Be Cool.

(I wrote this earlier today, but couldn't post from my phone for some reason).

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So Michele is cleaning my house today, and I like to be gone while she's there, lest she make me organize a closet or something. My inlaws were supposed to pick up the girls for their non-Newport aquarium day, so I called them to see if we could either meet up or if I could just drop them off.

We got there and they were critical of the facts that 1). Mr. Twinkle wasn't at work yet and 2). I was driving him. We knew they'd say something about both, so I told Mr. Twinks ahead of time that instead of letting them beat him down about it, he should remind them that the reason we took the girls there before taking him to work was that we knew they were anxious to see the girls, and we were trying to do them a favor. (Because, if I'd taken him to work first, they would have been mad at me for being there later than they wanted). Of course Mr. Twinkle had to add definitively, "Shelley's not even there yet! He's doing his physical therapy. He does it every Monday at this time." Ok, buddy. Way to play it cool.

Then there were the questions about his car. Yes, his car is old, but we like it. I take him to work a lot of days because the drive time together is extra time to talk or hang out--it is hard to carve out time to have a conversation together, so chatting while we drive into his office is nice. It works for us, it doesn't hurt anyone else, and who really cares, right? Mr. and Mrs. Fun Sink--that's who. We are forever answering myriad questions about his car and why I'm taking him to work. And I wish he'd just shut it down by explaining it, but he can't explain anything without being defensive, and that just feeds their suspicion of us and the way we do things.

Exhausted yet?

I realized that a big part of my reaction to them is tied up with the dynamic between Mr. Twinks and them, which is kind of unfair. I shouldn't let anyone else determine how I react, but at the same time it's his family and so he sets the tone. His tone is always defensive, because he is constantly under attack for his every action. He is constantly answering questions about boring minutiae, so of course he feels the need to give long, desperate explanations for everything. 

I actually used to do that, too. I stopped when I realized I'll never impress them. They actually don't want to understand my motivations or reasons for anything, so I don't waste my time explaining.

But I think it would be easier to handle being with them if Mr. Twinks could get a handle on that, too. If he were more confident with them, maybe I would be, too. The honest reasons that we took the girls to their house before taking him to work are that we knew they wanted to see the girls/we were trying to do them a favor/we didn't want to hear them complaining that I was too late dropping them off. We were trying to be nice--you're welcome, *ssholes. The reason I'm driving Scott to work is that we like to spend time together. Mr. Twinks needs to work on just giving the one main answer without going into detail about how the car's fine and this way's easier (he's saving big on parking!), etc.

I'm emotionally exhausted and it's 10 a.m. on a Monday.