Julep: rant

For days I have been mulling over a thoughtful post on the chaotic stage of life in which I find myself, and trying to find time to write it. I don't have time now either, but I have to post this because I need to vent.

We have had dinner plans for a month for Sunday night: our supper club is getting together. This is always a relaxing, enjoyable evening with friends, and the kids get to hang with other kids, and it's a great thing all around. I was really looking forward to it this weekend because it would come after 24 hours in Nashville on the firm retreat, talking about budgets and billing and business development - which will suck, in case that isn't immediately obvious. The weekend just got a lot worse.

Mr. J's dad wants to host dinner on Sunday night for Judgy Grandma's birthday. Mr-Papa will be manning the grill, and Mr-Mama will be inside stressing out as her in-laws always get her torqued up. I will be stuck socializing with Baby Mama Cousin and her mother the Nosy Aunt. I will have to listen to a play-by-play about Baby Mama's son and how he is interacting with the Bear. Meanwhile, there will be no alcohol because Drunk Grandpa is back on the wagon -- which is a good thing for him but not real pleasant for the rest of us. What part of this will be pleasant? None of it. Mr-Papa will char the steaks and Mr-mama will make her nasty bean salad, and of course, Nosy Aunt will bring that damn cheesecake. The whole experience will be awful.

Mr. J called me earlier in the week while I was at work to say that his dad wanted to do this birthday dinner on Sunday. I said, "we already have plans on Sunday." Evidently Mr. J did not bother to relay that back to his father. Now it's Friday and everyone is expecting us on Sunday.

I made the mistake of telling Mr. J I wanted to keep our original plans. I don't want to go to the family dinner, and if they really wanted us to be there, maybe they should have consulted our calendars before scheduling it. Mr. J went into a spiel about how it is Judgy Grandma's birthday and who knows how long she will be around, blah blah. Fine, I said, we will go to your family's dinner. I was very clear: we will go. But I proceeded to tell him exactly how much it is going to suck. Mr. J said, "Think about how bad you would feel if this were her last birthday." And I said, "She's not MY grandma."

Mr. J got really mad, and the conversation deteriorated from there. But here's what I was trying to say: I understand that HE would feel really bad if we didn't go and it was her last birthday. I get that, and I would feel bad FOR HIM if that happened. That's why I said we would go. But me? No, I wouldn't really feel any personal sense of loss if we missed her last birthday. She's not my grandma, I don't have any affectionate history with her, and in point of fact I really don't like her much as a person. She's kind of a manipulative b!tch.

I'm going to go to this sucky awful family function so that Mr. J can feel good about having been there. But what's in it for me? His happiness, not any kind of emotional solace of my own. I'm not going to be feeling any uplift in it for myself. Can't he just accept that I am doing something I don't want to do, FOR HIM, and appreciate that? Why does pointing that out make me the bad guy?

I'm giving up my fun plans for a miserable alcohol-free evening with his awful extended family. Stop trying to convince me it's for my own good and just say thank you.