Julep: Solidarity

Twinkle, I just read your last post, and I want you to know how much I sympathize with your situation. It's hard balancing the roles of mother and daughter.

I also want to tell you that your post was really good inspiration for me on how to handle some emotional dramz on my end. See? You're not a bad daughter or mom - you're actually a great mom and a source of tips and guidance! I know your post was really about dealing with your mom, but the parts that rang clear to me are the parts about how you try to keep your girls on an emotionally even keel, being aware of their sensitivities without kowtowing to their whims.

At my house, Little Bits is a drama queen and a diva in the making. She is always wailing about something. Occasionally the wailing is justified, but she howls just as loudly when her brother lightly bumps into her as when he intentionally pile-drives her. This is a problem, and I'm actively working on getting her to toughen up. I want her to stay her sweet, kind self, but as I keep telling her, everything cannot be a five-alarm fire.

The issue that worries me more is when she pitches a fit to get her way. If you tell her "no," or correct her behavior in even the lightest fashion, she screams. And if she doesn't get what she wants? Screams. Let's say that Bear gets a treat after dinner, because he has cleaned his plate. Bits will not eat all of her dinner -- she will not even eat the three bites of veg and two bites of meat that have been given to her as her "eat this much and you can have dessert too" level of eating. When Bear gets his popsicle or cookie, she will proceed to scream bloody murder the whole time he eats it. 

If she bites her brother and gets put in time-out, she screams - and she's not weeping "I'm sorry," it's quite clear that she is doing it for the sole purpose of bullying the other person into backing down. I personally do not back down at the screaming. But Mr. J does ... he swears he only does it in the car, for the sake of his focus on the road, but I don't believe him. Even more worrisome to me is that Bear has started to do it too. Bits has what I call a full service mentality. She will ask me to do something for her that she is perfectly capable of doing, say, getting her doll. When I tell her to do it herself and she starts working up a howl, Bear will trot across the room and collect it for her. 

This child is delightful in many ways, but her potential to be a spoiled brat is off the charts. I want to respect her sensitive nature - I appreciate that being high-strung is not an inherent flaw - but I don't want to raise a kid who expects the world to revolve around her and makes everyone else walk on eggshells.At the same time, I would prefer that my child not hate me, the only person in her world who ever attempts to jerk a knot in her chain. Sigh.