Twinkle: My MIL’s Relevance Continues to Decrease

There are times in my husband’s family when I feel like I’ve done something wrong, something that Fun Sink disapproves of. I sort of figure out she disapproves, and I’m left trying to figure out why. Because the things she gets mad about and disapproves of are often totally random things that no one else would even think about. 

Like the family group chat.

When the kids started to get phones and Apple Watches and their own ways to communicate, I started a group chat with the grandparents, my husband, my sister- and brother-in-law, and all the kids who had a device. I think that’s what normal families who love each other might do, and I created this chat back when I was still trying, back before the revelation that nothing I can ever do will get my MIL to like me. I figured we could share funny memes, stay in touch, and on some level I probably thought it would help the family communicate more, which, as you all know, they need to do but refuse to do.

Sometimes my MIL acts really friendly on there. Her new thing is to smile really big and act all friendly in front of the kids and other people. So, occasionally she’ll send a nice message like “Grateful and thankful for our beautiful family!” Other messages will be tinged with guilt or a passive-aggressive slight: “Shabbat Shalom! We miss everyone!” Other times she ignores the messages.

Today is my niece’s birthday, so I sent a birthday cake gif and happy birthday message. My niece replied, thanking me, saying she loves everyone so much, etc. I responded with another friendly message. No one else commented. Then I looked at the last “Happy Hanukkah” message I sent, and no one except one of my kids commented there either. These people are weird.

So…clearly I’ve done something wrong. Does my MIL think the group chat will take the place of a direct phone call to my niece? Because we’ll still FaceTime her. She’s coming to town tomorrow so we’ll all get to celebrate. Does my MIL not like the group chat because I started it and I’m the one who generally shares nice messages on there? Does she not acknowledge it because she doesn’t want it to be a thing, because I’m the one behind it and keeping it going? That’s probably a big part of it. Once again we can’t have nice things because of MIL’s jealousy.

Anyway, I don’t actually care. I am SO LIBERATED this year. I’m letting my Christmas flag fly all over the place. For years they all told me I couldn’t have a wreath. They said wreaths were religious. (I don’t actually think that’s true…wreaths have existed in all cultures for millennia.) Even if they are religious, I. Don’t. Care. Because I am a Christian and my MIL does not get to take that away from me. This year I went to a wreath making class and posted about it and put a YUGE wreath on my door, and I. Do. Not. Care. I love my huge wreath that I made that is too big for my door. Anyone who doesn’t like my wreath is entitled to his or her opinion, but I. Do. Not. Care.

My house looks like Santa’s enchanted workshop, and I LOVE it. Even my husband is into it this year—can you all believe that? He’s enjoying the pretty, sparkly break from world events, so between all the parties and shopping and basketball games and everything else, it’s all about snuggling by the Christmas tree and watching Hallmark movies. If y’all know him, you know what huge progress that is for him. It’s more proof of my ultimate victory over my MIL. I’m enjoying it for what it is, not because it signifies she’s been beaten, but because it’s so nice and fun. She’s just a mean sad villain, lurking in the shadows trying to ruin the fun, but she can’t. I’m still going to send funny memes and nice messages to the group chat, and I’m still going to snuggle with her son by our Christmas tree, and there is absolutely nothing she can do to stop it.