Lola: Near Occasions?

Over glasses of wine and the candlelight ambiance of the Grotto last week, Julep and I engaged in discussions of whether a married person should limit him or herself to interactions only with persons of the opposite sex to whom there is absolutely no attraction. Julep seemed to rest her position on the adage that one would do best by avoiding the “near occasion of sin” and not tempting the fates by delving into interactions with a comely man who is not one’s husband. I, on the other hand, while not so much arguing that one should seek out such interactions, felt that limiting oneself in the possibilities of future friendships or colleagues based squarely on whether said persons do or do not seem to be attractive or particularly engaging, was depressing.

As you know, I am happily married to the man I still consider to be the cutest person I have ever seen, so I am certainly not on the prowl for attractive men with whom to engage in flirtatious friendships. Moreover, I think Governor Sanford acted in a dismal manner, betraying his wife and children, as well as the good people of South Carolina. But I also think he is crazy and narcissistic. As are John Edwards, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, and Eliot Spitzer. A narcissistic personality does not aptly evaluate the consequences of his behaviors and actions on the people who he is supposed to love and protect most in the world. I think that is what should serve as the distinction between them and me…or Julep. Add to the equation that I am also a bit of a prude.

From my current employment, I am scouring my brain to think whether there are any men remotely attractive or engaging with whom I come in contact…and, no. However, I remember from my old law firm days, there were quite a few occasions when I would come in contact with opposing or co-counsel for whom I could totally have developed crushes. According to Julep’s philosophy, though, I would be completely prohibited from a happy-hour cocktail with any of these gentlemen in my current married state, because I would be tiptoeing toward a “near occasion of sin.” Maybe there is a moving goal line as to where each of fears loss of control over personal responsibility versus where biological hormones take total control. But I just don’t think that tabloid-level discussions should serve as a definitive indictment against male-female interaction of the attractive-engaging kind. Nonetheless, I would undoubtedly tell my husband that I was going out for a cocktail after work with a crush-worthy co-worker …if only there were such a thing at this worksite.