Twinkle: An Entertaining Prospect

Have y’all heard the news? There’s a bambino on the way, and Grams is going to be a Grams, again—only this child won’t have an unfit mother who’s far too obsessed with hairbows and American Girl.

Actually, I am thrilled about this news. Twinklette will finally have a cousin, and perhaps the heat will be off me a little as my mother-in-law turns her attention to more important matters. It’ll be such an interesting case study to see the difference in treatment between the unfit and the fit, and it’ll give me something in common with a certain sister-in-law who seems increasingly dour and humorless. Best of all, perhaps the formerly critical sister-in-law will see the light of day and understand that some of my complaints are more than shallow, idle b*tchiness. Maybe this is wishful thinking, but maybe not.

Case in point…

The news broke this weekend (we’ve known for a week or so), but Mr. Twinkle got an e-mail from his sister saying, “Did you hear what Grandma said when I told her?” Apparently Grandma used the same line that so infuriates me: it takes a village. Specifically, she said, “My baby’s having a baby! But you can’t do it by yourself—it takes a village!” Well, Sister may be dour, but she is a competent adult and I’m confident that she’s capable of doing this or anything else by herself, just as I was for a year, before I moved home and had the benefit (liability) of the aforementioned village. Get used to this feeling, Sister—it’s your first taste of how I feel all the freakin’ time.

What a strange and fun alignment this will be--and if nothing else it'll be so interesting to watch. I’m sure she’ll be the better mother between the two of us (it’s to be expected). Will her family ever utter the words, "This baby wants its mommy" that I have so longed to hear when it's so obviously true, or will they make excuses like, "The baby's tired. The baby's hungry. The baby wants Grams." If so, will Sister stand up and say, "No, actually she wants me, because she's not crying anymore now that I'm holding her...obviously." Will my mother-in-law act like it's unhealthy if Sister's kid says "mama" too much? Will she hand Sister a list of "concepts" for second graders when the kid is 6-months-old, and if so, will Sister roll her eyes and tell her she's crazy in a way that I never could? This is going to be good...and all I have to do for now is sit back, relax, and watch it all unfold…