I am having a little lunch here at the desk, and thought I would check the blog. Not much time to write - but I think this will be longer than a mere "comment." Twinkle, your post made me think not of my marriage (Mr. J is a pretty good defender) but of my mother. My mom is a lot like Mr Twinkle on this count ... she loves her family so dearly, and she just does not have the confrontation gene.
Used to be that my sisters were horrid to me whenever the family was together. I never wanted to cause a big scene by telling them off, but one of the hardest parts of how mean they were was that my mom would not stand up for me. I would have these long impassioned talks with her about how awful they were and beg her to say to them, "You can't talk to your sister that way in my house." But even though she could acknowledge later that they were being awful, she never would tell them to be nice or go home.
Declaring your emotional independence from it all is really the biggest step. (Somehow I had a liberating revelation the year I turned 30.) It was never that she didn't love me enough to fight for me - I know how much my mom loves me, and I know you know how much Mr. Twinkle loves you. You just can't get blood from a stone.
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