It seems that keeping a Zen attitude toward my MIL is going to take serious mental fortitude, but just because I'm a self-declared pacifist in the MIL realm doesn't mean I can't come on here and talk some trash. (No fear, Julep...it never meant that I'd stop blogging. I'm just trying to find a way to reconcile my MIL's bad behavior with my own irrepressible desire to b*tch about her, while still staying sane).
Here is the source of the drama. My parents are returning from vacation today (it's my dad's last weekday off before returning to work after the holiday weekend) and they would like to see Twinklette. MIL has been taking Twinklette to a class at the zoo most Friday mornings this month, followed by swimming and lunch, so she's all miffed because I asked her to bring Twinklette back immediately after the zoo class today. Letting the grandparents share the morning is the only solution I can think of that will give all of them the time they think they rightfully deserve, and I think it's pretty d*mn fair. (And, indeed, my parents deserve it more than anyone, as they have not seen her in more than a week). My MIL got to play with Twinklette for most of the morning yesterday, and she is spending the night with them tonight, which means that MIL can once again openly defy me by showing Twinklette Sesame Street tomorrow morning. I'm sure that'll give her an extra boost of joy, but it's not enough to keep her from acting out her passive-aggressive angst on me for the past two days and the next two weeks.
And I almost fell for it this morning when she picked up Twinklette. I forgot my epiphany and b*tched about both sets of parents with Mr. Twinkle. We were laughing about moving away from the whole lot of them, eagerly anticipating the day when he will take the Florida bar and we will at least get some breaks from all their ridiculous expectations. (And, after talking to a friend about this very issue, I'm told that this is not an uncommon issue with grandparents). There was a note of seriousness to the conversation, too, an undercurrent of pleading for him to please make your mother be nice to me and understand that it's perfectly fair for my parents to want to see her today.
He will never stand up to her, or my FIL, as everybody knows. They have had him by the cajones since the day he was born (pardon my Cervantes). And that's his problem, and it's my choice as to whether or not it's going to be my problem. And I choose not to let it. The best I can do is continue living my life and doing what I think is best for my child. If I let her antics bother me--or drive a wedge between Mr. Twinkle and me--then she has me by by the cajones, too.
So I apologized to him. And when MIL brings back Twinklette in 15 minutes, I will not to let the bad attitude get to me, and I will not call Mr. Twinkle and complain about what a b*tch she was, because I cannot continue making so many of our family dynamics about her. She is a manipulator and a troublemaker, all wrapped up in a smiling matron who knits and sends my friends nice wedding gifts. But we have our own family life to get on with--Mr. Twinkle, Twinklette, and me. And I'm not going to let her come between us because it's a complete waste of time and energy.
I'm not saying it's not going to take some serious effort on my part, and I may need to return to yoga class with Lola for this one. I also may need to go with Dibbs for an old-fashioned aura-cleansing.
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