Julep: Culture Clash

Last weekend I went shopping with Mr-Mama. I really needed some new things, and she loves to shop - and I hoped it might be a chance for me to show her why some of the things she is drawn to aren't my style or would look awful on me. I don't know if I achieved the latter goal (although I made a valiant effort). I did succeed in one respect: she bought a couple of things for me that I loved but were too expensive, and we agreed she will hold on to them until Christmas. She offered to let me have them now, and I would love to start wearing them sooner - especially the luscious little suede jacket - but I am hopeful that waiting will keep her from buying me more things so I'll have something to open. I told that to Mr. J and he just laughed.

Mr-Mama has no concept of "less is more." On Saturday she bought herself a little navy-blue velvet-trimmed sweater/jacket that I swear she already owns. She wanted me to buy a little grey suit with a short jacket and pleated skirt when she just bought me a little grey suit with a short jacket and pleated skirt last year. I pointed that out, and she said, "Well, you might want another one for when you get tired of the first one." Um. Probably not.

Yesterday she had a conversation with Mr. J about the shopping trip. She couldn't get over that I was fairly appalled by the amount of money I spent. She kept telling him, "She makes plenty of money, her clothes budget should easily cover that." Um. I don't actually have a clothes budget. I have a little pot of discretionary money every month, and I use it for everything from haircuts and pedicures to cocktails with you girls to yes, clothes - which I buy rarely. When I do buy something, I'm conscious that I will have to restrict my other spending. When I bought my new (used) road bike this summer, I was pinching pennies everywhere else for two months.

Here's what I have realized. Mr-Mama has never been poor. She's never even been close to poor. She was the pampered daughter of a well-off family, and now she is the privileged wife of a wealthy man. Maybe there were a few years early in her marriage when they didn't have a lot yet, but she still had plenty. She has no concept of carefully allocating one's resources. And she really likes to have lots and lots of stuff.

I am not as much of a skinflint as my own mother, who - even though she has a lot more money to spend now that she did when she was a single mother raising three kids on an entry-level salary - has suits she bought in 1982 and throws something away before she will buy anything new. But I like the philosophy of "less is more" - because there are a lot of things I'd rather do with my money than accumulate stuff. I'd rather have a closet with half a dozen great pieces that will last than twenty-five things I bought on clearance just to have variety. I'm willing to spend on something I really want, but skip the three or four somethings I don't like as well.

My new challenge is to explain this perspective to Mr-Mama. I don't mind at all how she chooses to spend her own money on herself, but I really want her to stop buying me things. I'm not optimistic.