Thought I would give everyone an update on where we stand. Things have actually moved along pretty darn fast to this point! Now comes the time to cross our fingers that the rest of it goes quickly too.
We've turned in our application ... such a simple word for a stack of paper two inches high, including three letters of personal reference (thanks, Dibbs!); three letters of credit reference; forms signed off by our doctor, the veterinarian, and the marriage counselor we saw 3 years ago that everyone in the house is physically and emotionally sound; last year's tax return; copies of our birth certificates, marriage certificate and drivers licenses; and clearances from the State Police, the court system, and the child abuse registry. That's in addition to the ten pages we each had to fill out about ourselves and our family history and our relationship and how we plan to parent, and the joint application about our house, mortgage, bank accounts, life insurance, investments, and monthly budget. And there was the Discipline Form (which is actually horrifying, it lists all these things you promise not to do to your child, and the idea that anyone would do these things to a child is heartbreaking, Mr. J made me stop reading it to just let him sign it), and the Care Plan, stating who will take care of your adopted child if you are both hit by a bus - and we not only have to sign it, the proposed guardians have to sign it too.
(In case you're wondering, we named Little Sis and her husband. Although Little Sis is borderline certifiable, she is a really good mom. And while I'm sure she would be absolutely insufferable going on and on about how tragic it all is and how busy she is now that she's raising our child too but what else could she do after all -- if it happens, we won't be here to listen to it!)
We've also had our home study with the social worker: she went through all of the paperwork, interviewed us for a few hours, and physically inspected the house. Even though we don't have the baby yet, and he or she won't be mobile for quite some time, we had to put child locks on all the cabinets with medication, cleaning supplies, firearms, hazardous substances or alcohol. Since our alcohol usually resides behind the basement bar, it spent the day in the trunk of Dibbs's car. (Thanks again, Dibbs!) While I certainly see the need to secure said alcohol by the time our child's age reaches double-digits, I just don't feel concerned about a toddler getting the cork out of a bottle of wine.
We've also done the first 8 hours of our 20 hours of training - that will qualify us as foster parents with the state, so when the baby is born, we can bring him or her directly home from the hospital even though the adoption won't be finalized yet for a month or two.
Last but not least, we've finished our scrapbook - ahem, the "adoptive family profile." We did it on Snapfish - apparently that's what all the adopting parents do these days - as we needed five copies; the agency will distribute them to its social workers around the state who work with birth parents. The social worker reviewed our first effort and gently suggested that I needed to use bigger pictures, fewer words. The second effort looks great, for a child's picture book. Such a sad commentary.
Once the hard copies of the scrapbook arrive - and I write the next $4000 check - we're ready to be matched. We filled out a bunch of forms about what we are willing to consider in a child (race, gender, age, family medical history, substance use history, how far along in the pregnancy, contact after the adoption). The birth mothers do the same - maybe they tell the agency they only want married couples who are Catholic and don't have other children. So the social worker would pull our profile along with any other profiles of adoptive parents who meet those criteria, and check to see that we are open to the birth mother (i.e., her child will be biracial and we are OK with that). Then the birth mother looks at all those profiles and she ... picks.
Presumably, eventually, someone will pick us. I don't expect that will happen before the summer at the very earliest. It could be a year or more. But we'll see.
We are feeling good about it all. As we've gone through the process, it seems more and more real, and that is healing - and exciting. No more crying in church, which is a good thing.
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