Lola: Core-Shifting

Hello darlings -
I am lost in a combination of Babyland and jury duty, actually. However, I will openly admit that it is my wanderings through Babyland that I have found the most compelling and disorienting as of late. I think I might be addicted to my child. And coming to this realization as someone who heretofore could take-or-leave babies, I find myself addled by it all. I spend too much time thinking about him during the day when I should be concentrating on due process or RFEs. The agitation I feel as I get ready to leave to pick him up from daycare is similar to what I imagine the addict's shakes could be. The complete joy of anticipation as I speed-walk through the halls of the daycare to pick him up are followed by the serene abject joy of his enormous grin at me grabbing him off the floor when I arrive. Pure addiction as I go through this scenario day after day. But this is pretty normal compared to my darker secret...

More disorienting, though, is that just thinking about children in general has more than once caused me to break into a sob at my desk. I never used to be like this. My only thoughts about children were generally that they were so-so, but more often, annoying. Any conversation about children caused my eyes to glaze over and my mind to wander. (You know me well enough to remember that fact, I am sure.) So anyway, imagine my surprise when the below movie trailer seriously caused me to have an emotional meltdown at my desk:



I was a wreck. The little-boy imagery was too much and I lost it. Contemplating all the little-boy things my future holds is absolutely heart-warming and gut-wrenching at the same time. So there you have it. I am in the midst of a serious core-shift the likes I have never experienced in all my life. Fortunately, I was able to find steady ground under my feet when I watched this video, so enjoy.



All my best,
LoLa