Twinkle: Mr. Twinkle's Family Food Issues

Mr. Twinkle and I recently had a conversation about his complicated relationship with food. I've always found it odd that he can be self-loathing about the food he's eating, as he's eating it. As in, "I can't believe I'm eating this ice cream. I should not be eating this. But it's so good. But I should not be eating it. But it's so good." There's no enjoyment; only guilt. Meanwhile his mother is constantly baking desserts, but his immediate family goes on these crazy diets where they won't eat anything. There's no pleasure; only guilt. The whole thing is just bizarre. (This article that Mr. Twinks found touches on some of the Jewish social pressures surrounding food, although it doesn't go into the self-loathing issues).

Anyway, tonight we had to get together for some dumb family birthday party, and Aunt Irene was there. She's the one who's always judging Kelly for her mini hotdog consumption. She's a teeny tiny, high-strung little woman. Someone asked her if she wanted a Sister Schubert roll, and she said, "Just a little one. I really shouldn't." Seriously, Aunt Irene...you weigh 90 pounds and you are 80 years old and it is a Sister Schubert roll. Live a little. Don't be ashamed--own the sh!t out of that Sister Schubert roll. Also, it's a Sister Schubert roll, so they're all EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE. SMALL.

Fun Sink was trying to dance around the issue of how they left the birthday party before cake was served. She was trying desperately to explain why the party hostess sent cupcakes (which she thought were much too large) home with the girls. It was hilarious to hear Mr. Twinks press her for details on the cake and watch her evade the question and change the subject. (It's also very telling about the family's complicated relationship with food that it's perfectly normal for him to demand every detail about a birthday cake). She actually didn't want to give the cupcakes to the girls, though! She said, "Do you really want those cupcakes, or do you just want me to throw them away?" No, my friend sent those cupcakes to the girls, so I want the girls to have them. She needn't concern herself about their size; they'll lick some icing off the top and that will be the end of it. No need to pass along the family food issues to them.

Also, I don't eat a lot of sweets, and I'm tired of Fun Sink trying to cram cake down my throat. I seriously think she wants me to be fat. No thanks, Fun Sink. I'm pretty sure all your recipes use Cool Whip, which is an abomination. I'd rather save my calories for wine, thank you very much.