So, we had lunch with my in-laws today (they made their triumphant return from grandparent duty in Connecticut yesterday). And the first thing out of Twinklette's mouth upon seeing them was not, as I had feared, "Santa Claus brought me the pink kitchen from Pottery Barn Kids and a Kit Kittredge doll," but in fact, "I ate some soap." She couldn't wait to tell them about how she'd gotten her hands on a Lush bubble bar and taken a big bite out of it. I'm sure this confirms their fears that I'm an unfit mother, but in Twinklette's defense, that bubble bar did look good enough to eat. She had to cleanse the palate with some Christmas tree Peeps after the fact...another infraction that would not be welcomed kindly by them, on many levels.
So, it's an amazing thing. My MIL has spent two years talking about how Twinklette looks exactly like my sister-in-law, and isn't the resemblance uncanny and blah blah blah? It was the middle of summer, when Twinklette's hair was blond-ish from days spent poolside, and MIL was like, "Look how dark her hair's getting!" as if my daughter were some swarthy pirate. Well, now it turns out my sister-in-law's baby looks exactly like her! (As she should). And my MIL is all, "She has lots and lots of dark hair and big brown eyes." Mr. Twinkle is like, "Yes, but where did that nose come from?" and MIL says, "Oh, that's his family's nose!" But anyway, now my MIL says, "We couldn't have two granddaughters who are more different-looking! I mean, Twinklette is so light-haired and fair-skinned, and the new baby has dark hair and a dark complexion!" That may be true, but the real marvel, for me, is how both granddaughters--swarthy pirate and fair English rose--both seem to uncannily resemble my sister-in-law. (Not that I think the new baby is a swarthy pirate--she's very cute and my SIL actually has a very pretty, very fair complexion with dark hair. I'm the one who tans well...although I'm sure my MIL would never admit it. Unless it were somehow turned into a criticism). Anyway, it seems that both granddaughters are beautiful living tributes to my sister-in-law, as expected.
I also have to discuss a toy Twinklette received in her Christmas stocking. Twinklette has a few of these, and I have never noticed anything amiss with them (although maybe I just haven't looked). Anyway, she got another one in her stocking, and when I was trying to remove it from its elaborate packaging, I had it turned upside down and realized that the horse was anatomically correct. The horse was male, and still had all its junk, if you know what I mean. (And, being a Kentuckian, I couldn't help but think that that horse would command a respectable stud fee, especially given its easy rapport with mythical woodland creatures). I was in the presence of my parents and 92-year-old grandmother, so I had to play off the fact that Santa had left a horse with a ginormous plastic schlong in my daughter's stocking. And I'm no expert on equine genitalia, but it looked remarkably humanistic, which makes me wonder if some sex pervert is designing plastic fairy horse molds. I took it out of the packaging as discreetly as possible, trying to contain a mixture of amusement and disgust. It would have been utterly inappropriate to show Mr. Twinkle at the time, so I turned the horse over, hoped no one would notice, and anticipated the look on Mr. Twinkle's face when I'd finally have the chance to say "Check this out."
I can't help but wonder whose idea this was. These are fairy figurines--with wings and pointy ears. It isn't as if the toys are being used to teach anatomy. Maybe it's one of those hippie companies that wants to be realistic with children, but then why are they manufacturing fairy toys at all? All I can say is it's a good thing they're not manufacturing Ken dolls.
Anyway, I couldn't wait to show Mr. Twinkle--but now the horse has disappeared! I don't know if a well-meaning relative spotted the appendage and decided that Twinklette should be sheltered from large equine penises for a few more years, or if it got lost in the shuffle, or what, but that horse is nowhere to be found. And I am devastated--I have not mentioned it to Mr. Twinkle at all, because that is the kind of thing you just need to see for yourself. I really don't think he'd believe me if I said, "That horse in Twinklette's stocking was actually hung like a horse." He just has to see it for himself. I'm still hoping it turns up, so if you all see him, don't mention the horse schlong.
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