Julep: That's N-O.

Let me start off this post by saying, to my knowledge, Mr. J and I are not yet with child ... but as y'all know we'd like to be. I've talked to my mom (who's discussed it with my stepdad) and I gather Mr. J has told his parents that we are trying to have a baby. This is all well and good ... while I do not want to have a lot of conversation with either my parents or Mr. J's parents about our sex life, quietly advising that we're trying avoids them asking us when we're going to have a baby. (It's a touchy subject some days.) The delay has not stopped both of our sets of parents from taking a deep interest in the prospective grandchild.

It has long been my philosophy that my putative husband could name any sons we have himself, because I've had my hypothetical daughters' names picked out for eons and I am not open to suggestion. Y'all remember the drama that ensued last spring when Mr-J's trashy cousin flagrantly appropriated the name he had envisioned all his life he would use for his son. Well, I won't say he's gotten over it, but he has moved on. And the name he likes right now is my mother's maiden name. (This isn't quite as random as it seems ... Mr. J has gotten really close to my mom's brother and of course it's his last name too). It's a perfectly nice name ... let's pretend it's Murphy ... though I delicately suggested to Mr. J that despite its Irish heritage, today it is most commonly used by African-American comedians and NFL players. He pointed out that his own full first name also often belongs to big black guys. Touche.

And then on Saturday, Mr-Mama decided to chip in on the topic of baby names. She carefully brought it up when Mr. J was out of the room. She wanted to tell me that she thinks Murphy is a great name - for a girl. Um, really? I'm OK with reclaiming Murphy for a son, but I draw the line at naming a daughter after the star of "White Chicks."

Furthermore, while I don't object to anyone else who wants to give her daughter a last name for a first name, I personally like old-fashioned girls' names, the ones that could have been your grandma's name ... and in fact, one is my grandma's name. And one is my great-grandma's name. And the third peaked in baby-name popularity well before World War II even though two of my very best friends have shared it.

I explained to Mr-Mama that Murphy, while an uncommon first name, is generally used as a male name. And I explained to Mr-Mama that I don't insist on Mr. J using my family's name for a son, it's completely his choice if he wants to do that. But I have already picked out three lovely, traditional, feminine names that come with family pedigree and emotional attachments - and I really doubt we'll be having more than three daughters, given how long it is taking us to spawn the first one. (I left that last clause out.)

She then repeated to me not once, not twice, but three times that she thinks Murphy would be a perfect name for a girl. That's great, lady. Want a cookie? What part of "no" didn't come through? Finally I just said, "Mr-Mama, forget it. I don't care if he decides not to use it for a boy, but we're not using it for a girl."

Tact is worthless with her. Being polite just encourages her to keep going.

(By the way, I told Mr. J about this conversation later and he rolled his eyes and said, "I told her you wouldn't want to use Murphy for a girl. It's a boy's name!")