So I had another trip to North Carolina for work yesterday. I was feeling a little guilty about totally not even informing my family I was coming last time (and spending all that time with my best friend Charlotte and her kids instead). I had a wedding to attend on Saturday - which may be worth its own post later, if only to compare the nicely done small-budget wedding to others I have known - so I got up before the dawn crack on Sunday and flew down to spend the day with the J-Daddy family unit. Y'all may remember that this consists of J-Daddy himself, his very classy and lovely second wife of 20 years StepMama, their daughter (Baby Sis) and for the past 2 years Maiden Aunt, J-Daddy's sister.
Well, on the one hand it was nice to see everyone. They live out in the middle of nowhere -- 45 minutes from town -- at a country club development on a big old man-made lake, and the weather was lovely so the scenery was particularly nice. On the other hand, I pretended that my boss wanted to talk about strategy for Monday so I could leave at 4:30 and have dinner with Charlotte's family instead.
I worry about Baby Sis, really I do. She is smart and sweet and shows all the signs of growing up to be a nice kid. But she lives in a country club development, goes to a ritzy small-town private school (full of all the other wealthy kids from a 50 mile radius), her hobbies are golf, tennis, and riding her horse, and her annual family vacation is either to the Cloisters or Anguilla. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being wealthy, but I do think that there is something wrong with being unaware of how privileged you are. And nothing I have seen in the past few years gives me any idea that someone is trying to teach Baby Sis that life isn't like this for all people. I've never heard one word about volunteerism or community service work -- and given J-Daddy's long-standing gripe that he doesn't have to tithe because the government does it for him, I doubt it's happening.
Here's the thing I have the hardest time stomaching: the casual racism. Maiden Aunt is a schoolteacher at the public high school in the closest small town, and she teaches what we euphemistically call the "comprehensive track" here in our county. Her kids are not sharp. And I am sure many or most of them are indeed minorities. But it is awfully hard to listen to her go on and on about "the blacks" and their lack of work ethic and desire to have babies and live on the public dole. Meanwhile, J-Daddy decided to weigh in on the futility of Haitian relief efforts, and how you don't see the Chileans asking for help for their earthquake -- a distinction he attributes to the different "cultural backgrounds" of the populations. Even StepMama, whom I generally think of as a beacon of class and good graces, dropped the N-word in the context of a story. I mean, she wasn't calling someone that, but still. It's all very discomfiting, especially given that Baby Sis is a whopping 13 years old.
I've suggested that Baby Sis should come and stay with me for a long weekend this summer. I really would enjoy a chance to spend some time with her without all the adults in her life peering over her shoulder ... and it's not like I can take her to lunch and a movie when I am in NC, since the nearest theater is an hour's drive away. But just as importantly, I want to bring a breath of fresh air into the bubble this kid lives in. A few days bumming around our quirky urban suburb can only be a good thing -- not that Mr. J and I are poverty-stricken or anything, but it is a different view of life than she's had so far. I think she would benefit a lot from meeting you girls, for instance. We may have to schedule a cocktail hour, with mocktails for the preggers and the underage.
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