So Mr. Twinkle's uncle had a stroke, and it's very sad for the family, but my blog posting deals with the fallout from the Thanksgiving plans. This uncle always hosted, but this year's dinner will clearly be kind of sad. There was talk of going to a restaurant, or bringing food in, which I think sounds even sadder, so I offered to host it. I knew my MIL would never let that happen, but I offered anyway.
What happened? She won't let it happen, and I knew she wouldn't. But I still hoped. And I still think having it at my house is preferable to having it at a damn restaurant. And here was how Mr. Twinkle pitched it: it would be a low-key version of the traditional feast, and all the usual guests would be welcome to bring whatever they always do. If they didn't feel like making their usual dish, I said I'd make it. I thought it was a lovely and appropriate gesture, and I meant it. I think that in trying times sometimes it's the traditions that make people feel a little better, especially Thanksgiving since it's so tied up with the same comfort foods year after year.
Yeah, not going to happen.
MIL shot that down and was all, "We don't need to be doing anything fancy." Now I KNOW that everything I touch turns to fabulous--it's what she hates most about me-- but I have nothing if not a sense of decorum. I would never have let this Thanksgiving lunch turn into one of my usual fun family parties (and make no mistake about it--my family parties are more fun than anyone's on that side, which is not saying a whole lot). There would be no mimosas (tacky, under the circumstances), there would be no over-the-top seasonal decor. Just the traditional Thanksgiving meal and maybe a sense of comfort in the chaos and sadness. But, no. Her "fancy" comment is at the heart of her misunderstanding of me and my ability to make occasions special and appropriate.
And I am done. I am done offering to help with every holiday only to be turned away, when everyone else in the family pitches in. I am done offering to prepare a dish only to be told that she has it all under control. I am done saying I will arrange the flowers for one of MIL's dinners (after she ASKS me) only to have her do it herself anyway (which has happened more than once). I don't need a power struggle with this woman, and I don't want one, because I HOLD the power. I have Mr. Twinkle, and my two daughters, and I can make family traditions on my own, with or without her.
We do our own Thanksgiving dinner, just for us, on the Friday after. She has no control there, and she has no control over our day-to-day lives. This prejudice she has against me is officially her problem, because I am done trying and done caring, done expecting ever to be truly included, and done having my feelings hurt when I am not. Her son obviously finds something redeeming about me, and my daughters think I'm pretty fabulous. And I'm the person who gets to teach them everything about family and traditions and how to throw a party and when and when not to have a champagne toast. The day she finally learns that will be a sad day for her, because she alienated me long ago, and the tragedy for her is that she also alienated herself.
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