Twinkle: Meat Is Not the Devil, and Cake is Heaven-Sent

I'll admit it. I like some vegan and vegetarian meals. I cook that way a lot, because I prefer it and I know it's healthy. Where I've started to draw the line is with the meat substitutes. It all started with the vegan chicken salad at Whole Foods, with which my inlaws are obsessed, and Mr. Twinkle loves it. Yes, it tastes good. Yes, it seems a lot like chicken salad. But that vegan chicken salad has to be made of something, right? (In this case, soy). It's the vegan equivalent of a Snack-Well: tastes ok, but it's got to be a chemical shitstorm. Why not do the most natural thing? This brings us back to where we started in the first place. Chicken.

And chicken, which was made by God and given to man for nourishment and enjoyment (especially when fried), has got to be better than a man-made, soy-based, chicken substitute. So on the rare occasions when I'm going to eat chicken, I just try to eat chicken that was raised the way God intended, roaming freely in the sunlight on farms, laying eggs, pecking around, and doing whatever chickens do. Same with beef. And lamb. And fish. (And pork, but don't tell my inlaws I said that).

So tonight, we had the monthly birthday and anniversary dinner, from which I benefitted as my birthday and anniversary are both this month, but about which I am still complaining. But there were actually hors d'oeuvres! And wine! (Perhaps Fun Sink has had a recent core shift or something; I don't know why she's being so cool). And, when it was time to choose between regular old meat chili or veggie meat-substitute chili, I opted for the meat version. Maybe it was principle, but I think it was because the meat version seemed more natural. If it had been a true veggie chili like I make at home (with various beans, spices, peppers, veggies, and noodles, but no actual meat), I would have gone for that. But this "veggie" chili looked exactly like the meat chili. The only difference was that the veggie version was filled with an unholy soy-based meat substitute. That chili was an abomination against God and man, so I just took the good, old-fashioned ground chuck version, thankyouverymuch.

And don't get me started on the cake.

The good news was that it was not a cake of the soy milk and tempeh variety. It was a delicious ice cream cake from Dairy Queen or somewhere, and I can't complain about that. My crew loved it! (Baby B, who's getting a new tooth, found it especially soothing). Now, I'd rather drink my dessert, so usually I just have a bite of Mr. Twink's dessert and then I'm done. Tonight I shared with B because of seating arrangements, and I had a couple of bites of hers and was perfectly satisfied.

When the cake was being passed around, my SIL and her husband made a big show of turning the cake down. They are such smug damn vegans (the worst kind of vegans; at least my father-in-law doesn't draw attention to it). Would a bite kill them? Couldn't they share a piece just to be polite? They could share a piece, each take a tiny bite, and then leave the rest and no one would notice. (Half the time when I say I'm going to share Mr. Twink's dessert, I'm just being polite. But I really will take a bite of it, and that is enough for me). But no, they have to make a big deal out of turning down the ice cream cake. And yet, somehow, my brother-in-law still weighs 500 lbs. I stand by Lola's theory that he hoards Twinkies at work.