Twinkle: THAT's My MIL--Her Demeanor's SO B*tchy

That's not my princess—her tiara's too bumpy.

That's not my princess—her dress is too thick.

That's not my princess—her sash is too velvety.

That's not my princess—her bows are too silky.

THAT'S my princess—her crown is SO glittery.

So goes one of Twinklette's favorite books, just one of a series of "That's Not My ..." touch-and-feel books that teach kids different textures and adjectives, and also the subtle idea of being able to identify and verbalize the more subtle differences between similar objects or characters. They're fun, cute, and not wholly uneducational, as words like bumpy, thick, velvety, silky, and glittery (while not on the college entrance exam) actually do come in handy sometimes.

So Twinklette has memorized the book and can finish the sentence when prompted. And it's cute, and it's one of her new tricks, and Mr. Twinkle taught it to her so he was excited to show the trick off at dinner with his fam tonight.

So as MIL was doing her usual mealtime curriculum of ABCs, numbers, and "What does the duck say?" (To which Twinklette invariably answers "moo," making me look like a complete slacker). Mr. Twinkle broke out with the, "That's not my princess...her tiara's too..." and Twinklette said "Bumpy," then they went through the whole thing.

Mr. Twinkle was all proud and beaming, but I know my MIL like the back of my well-manicured hand. So I knew it wasn't going to end well.

All MIL said was, "Oh--that's great." And the implication was that she could not believe we were reading her some frivolous princess book when there are letters to be learned and core concepts to be mastered, and first grade is going to be here before we know it!

That woman needs to back the hell off with the whole education thing. Of course, whatever intelligence Twinklette has is because of MIL's influence as a trained educator, and all Twinklette's shortcomings are because she has a mother who's too frivolous. Does MIL know that every day at naptime, Twinklette and I have a French lesson? Or that, instead of some obnoxious Baby Einstein cd, I actually play the violin for Twinklette? Or that she loves looking at books with Renaissance paintings in them? And that, believe it nor not, we actually do the alphabet, numbers, colors, and animal sounds, too?

It's OK for Twinklette to like a princess book. Even if it had no educational value (which it does), it would be fine to enjoy a book just because you like it. I'm sure MIL would balk at the time I spend reading for pure enjoyment, but, self-indulgent aspects aside, I happen to think that's the best way to instill a love of reading in children. Judging a child's reading material certainly isn't the best way to encourage reading.

Any woman whose reading material includes such literary classics as The Peach Cobbler Murder or Dead Men Don't Crochet has little room to cast aspersions. (I swear. Dead Men Don't Crochet was actually on her bedside table for 6 weeks). But it's not cool for an 18-month-old to read a book about princesses.