I have a cousin. She is 18 years old and lives in Indiana. She just finished her high school diploma/Vo-Tech training in cosmetology. She is so sweet, but a little bit country (or alot country, actually). Today I want to take her facebook account away.
Apparently yesterday she and her boyfriend broke up. I know she is sad and grieving. I know this because her Facebook status updates go something like this (in chronological order):
Betsy* is now SINGLE.
Betsy is heartbroken...but it doesn't even bother him
Betsy he is done being with me and i wish he wasnt [sic].
Betsy what can I do to make him realize how much i miss him and he actually care...this is the hardest time of my life.
Betsy I've done it now...He's done forever...Bad...Upset.
Based on the last posting, I'm just hoping this eighteen year old bada$$ heartbreaker hasn't died in a freak farming columbine "accident."
Nevertheless, this is the paradox of those of us who grieved our broken hearts over the telephone with our bestest friends. Or had slumber parties where we cried over pizza and ginger ale while stabbing the eyes out of all our school-dance photos of said bada$$ heartbreakers. How provincial we were not to be able to skyright our graceless emoting of the "biggest tragedy ever" (aka our broken hearts) to all 205 friends we share on the internets.
Twinkle - please share this post with Twinklette as soon as she can comprehend the internets and let her know that if she acts the fool in such a pathetic way, her Auntie Lola will make fun of her. Because the fear of public ridicule and scorn seems to be severely lacking in today's youth.
Merry Christmas!
xoxo
LoLa
* Names changed to protect the sad and pathetic.
PS Props to STFU Parents for ridiculing parents for their embarrassing facebook status updates.
PPS Mr. LoLo's sweatpants are not even really half-cool. But thanks for the effort.
Oh, my heart aches for sweet little Betsy. I remember getting dumped for the first time, when I genuinely believed I would be that sad for the rest of my life. Yes, I had read far too many romance novels.
ReplyDeleteBut Lola, I think you may need to send a private message to Betsy from the Voice of Experience and tell her: Get off the internets. Don't call him, don't text him, don't accost his friends to tell them how much you miss him. The only times they ever come back are when you keep your $hit together. (Plus, you know, you keep your dignity -- and by the time he comes back, you won't want him any more.)