Sunday, January 3, 2010

Twinkle: MIL Vignette

Why am I the only one who ever blogs on here anymore? Where is the Daddy Rabbit love?

So, we've established that my MIL is crazy and domineering, with a manipulative, pro-brainwashing world view (unless, of course, she thinks someone else is doing the brainwashing, in which case it's entirely unacceptable). But we haven't talked in awhile about her general lack of charity and joy. This little vignette doesn't really involve me, but I can't help but be struck by how joyless she is--and how willing to suck joy from others.

So, she's re-doing her whole house, stripping out the carpet, putting in hardwood, new paint colors, new family room sofas (one can only hope), and it seems that my father-in-law hit Best Buy the day after Christmas and got himself a gigantic new flatscreen television that is now hanging over the mantle in the den. Most who have seen it agree that it's a wonderful place to hang a tv--especially in light of the other renovations--because it frees up an entire wall that formerly housed a cumbersome entertainment center. Not only that, but my FIL can plug his computer into it run Skype through it, so we can all see the swarthy and floppy-headed new cousin in all her glory on the big screen. Plus, he's a man, and a sports fan, so large televisions with detailed picture quality just make him happy. He's thrilled with it.

As I told Mr. Twinkle, it's not every day you see a 60+ year-old man's eyes light up like a kid at Purim, but his do. His joy over the new tv is practically contagious, which makes it all the more bizarre that my MIL is palpably hostile to the new tv. She actively hates that tv, to the point that no one in the immediate or extended family can discuss its large size or the fact that it looks nice in front of her, because everyone knows she doesn't want to hear about it. She's not just joking around, either. Discussing/hearing about/looking at the new tv absolutely makes her blood boil. (Kind of like mine does when she walks in a room).

When I tried to convince her it looked nice, she looked entirely hopeless and said, "Would you want that hanging over your mantle?" And actually, she seems to have forgotten that I do have one over my mantle. And sure, if I didn't have anyone else's opinions to consider, I probably would have elected to hang an antique mirror there, but the fact is that, like it or not, that room is our main living space and it just made sense to put a tv there. And guess what...I've been known to watch it too. I've also been known to turn it off and enjoy music or silence instead...something she'd never think of doing. So when she elects to read some legitimate literature (Dead Men Don't Crochet doesn't count), instead sitting in front of the tube for an entire evening watching hours of NCIS, then she can complain about the size/placement/existence of the tv.

Another big difference between our respective tvs is that the despised flatscreen tv is in her den, and she has a formal living room where she could hang "art." (I don't...mine is in my living room, for better or for worse, and I've made peace with it because it's the best we can do). That was another complaint: "After all these years, I guess I just hoped [FIL] would want to hang some art there." If she doesn't want to watch tv in her den (where she herself has watched hours of Murder She Wrote), what does she want to do with that room. An art gallery? Really? I guess if there's one thing that house could use, it's more chards of glass.

My biggest problem with the whole ridiculous situation is that she can't recognize her husband's pure joy in the new tv, and she certainly can't put her own opinions aside and just roll with it and be happy for him. Even if she voiced her real objections at one point during the pre-buying process, and they still decided to go with the tv, guess what: it's over. The tv has been attached to the wall with large metal screws that have been drilled into the brick. There's no going back now, so embrace it! Does she know that her bad attitude about the tv diminishes her husband's joy? It would be a fascinating case study to know why she can't let anyone around her have too much pure enjoyment or pleasure. The woman would be absolutely miserable at Mardi Gras.

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