First of all, I really want to thank Twinkle for resurrecting the blog. I have not had such fun in years as the evening I spent re-reading our history. We are hilarious and I can't believe we let this lapse for so long. We're back, baby!
Secondly, I have continued to mull over the Twinkle family saga since we talked over cocktails on Tuesday night. I know I said some of this on Tuesday, but of course, the margaritas and wine were also flowing ... so excuse me for repeating myself.
Fun Sink is so, so, so mad because this whole episode has been a torpedo to her long-term plan to make Twinkle irrelevant. I am convinced that she has been biding her time for YEARS, telling herself that as soon as the girls are old enough, she can cut Twinks out and engage directly to mold them into the self-critical, miserable young Jewish women she thinks they should be. But -- in addition to being batshit - her plan has two critical flaws.
(1) She moved too fast and showed her hand. I said on Tuesday that she should have waited until the girls were old enough to drive etc., but Dibbs rightly pointed out that once they can drive themselves, they won't want to hang out with her. She was right to start reaching out at this age to build the connection. But what she should have done was to stay below the radar for now. When Twinkle asked to be looped in, she should have done it perfectly, exactly as asked. And then she could have had all the opportunities she wanted to tell them not to eat anything tasty and stay away from goyim and feed them nasty untrue nonsense about Twink's understanding of family dynamics.
(2) She's overlooked the power of personality. The Twinkle girls love their mama, because she's lovable! And fun! Whereas Fun Sink is, indeed, a fun sink. If asked to decide who they want to grow into, what likelihood that the Twinkle girls choose Fun Sink?
... we already know what happens when someone is presented Fun Sink as one alternative and Twinkle as the other. Exhibit A: Mr. Twinkle.
Mr. Twinkle is the key here. All his life, his mother has made her affection conditional on her approval. Even though he has opted for fun and glamour and good times instead of dour joylessness, he still struggles. He's still trying.
Twinkle, I think you need to be up front with your girls that this is hard for you, but it's really hard on Daddy. You're asking them to help you keep the peace with Fun Sink so that Daddy's life can be a little easier. I'd offer up some conversational starters like " I hope you know that Daddy and I will love you no matter how you choose to live your life. You don't have to earn our love, we love you just because you're ours. I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but Daddy tries really hard to earn his parents' approval. They do love him, and they mean well [Ha!] but feeling judged is hard for him." Then I'd let them talk. Your girls are smart and I bet they have observed plenty already. If you offer them the opportunity to air what they have seen, and compare notes with each other, you're in business. When she starts pulling that sh!t on them, they will be perfectly aware of what's going down and they won't fall for it.
Always, always bring it back with grace. Who can get mad about that? We worry about Daddy. We are sorry for Fun Sink because she doesn't seem to enjoy her life very much. Let's do what we can for her while preserving our own awareness of who we are.
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