So after my husband and Fun Sink talked, and she was able to cry and get in her talking points about how crazy I am and what a bad family I'm from, she felt that everything was back to normal. We saw her at the play.
Oh. Another thing she said in the weeping phone call was that I have never thanked her. Never. Not once. Ever. This is also not true. I am PROFUSE in my thanks to her. I'm so profuse that she has a standard (annoying) response every time I say thank you: "our pleasure." The fact that she has a canned response to my thanks is proof that I say thank you A LOT.
OK. So at the play I thanked her for being there. After the play I sent a few pictures to the family group chat and again thanked her for being there. She seems to think everything is normal now, so she then sent a big itinerary for St. Louis to my husband, my SIL, and me. (Again. Communication. My FIL and my SIL's husband weren't on there. Every adult affected by the trip should have been copied, too). No one answered her text; my SIL knows there's trouble; she wants no part of it. My husband knows I don't want them to go to St. Louis but is terrified to speak up. I'm certainly not going to be the one to transgress over text again by breaking the bad news.
This brings us to Mothers Day. I peaced out and went to a nice hotel with some school moms on Sat. night, which gave me an excuse to miss brunch with her on Sunday. The kids said she said, "Ask mommy when I can take you all shopping," which tells me she has missed the entire point of all of it.
She sent a very nice Mothers Day present to me. It is a really pretty piece of blue and white Chinese porcelain, exactly my taste. So weird. She has never cared about my taste before. I sent her a text to thank her, letting her know it is exactly my taste. She sent a nice text back about how when she saw it she thought of me, and she knows Mothers Day is a hard day because of my mom. (Yeah...and you're making it even harder, Fun Sink!) I think this is what her "trying SO HARD" looks like. And, I do like the gift. It's on my dining room table right now and it looks really pretty. But I also can't be bought off with Chinese porcelain. The nice gift doesn't change the fact that she lied about my family and tried to manipulate my husband with her tears over a text message that she didn't like. A text message in which I simply asked her to let me know what my kids' plans are.
I'm glossing over it here for the sake of time and of recording a completely ridiculous, convoluted story, but I have been emotionally just a wreck during all this. I cried the whole night of "pretty is as pretty does." I was shaking with anger when I heard about the phone call where she accused my mother of never wanting to go around my father's family, and saying I'm the same way. I have been so deeply hurt and upset by all of this. There is no going back to normal after what she said.
My husband is busy with work, tired of the whole thing, terrified of her, and would like to avoid it. I can't move on. St. Louis cannot happen, because you can't just treat me like this and then announce to me that you're taking my kids on a trip. Also, for the hundredth time: NO ONE ASKED ME. My husband can't seem to tell her this, and I'm afraid she's going to start booking visits to attractions, and then it's going to be worse when we tell her it's not happening because she will have spent a bunch of money on it. Either that, or I'll have to suck it up again and just let her take my kids to St. Louis because no one can stand up to her. That's looking more and more likely, because no one will speak up. It can't be me, because I don't have enough (any) authority in the family, and she would just cry and twist it the way middle school mean girls do. It has to be my husband.
I need help. I need reinforcements.
That was what led me to call the rabbi.
I met with him on Monday. I could have called my priest; I'm sure he would have had advice about loving her and praying for her (which I have also tried to do), but it was more fun to let the rabbi know how truly awful she is. They work closely with the whole Jewish Sunday School program. The rabbi is a young, recently married guy. He LOVES me and has been waiting for me to reach out to him for his rabbinical services since he moved here more than a year ago. So he was happy to meet with me, and it went well. He was like, "First of all, (intense eye contact), I believe you." Classic post-#MeToo moment. He had the classic response of my choices: either I can vent to him, he can help me with solutions, or he can refer me to a professional counselor. It was good to get his take on it, and I accomplished the real goal of letting him know what an actual monster she is. She would die if she knew. She would be mortified. But I was just seeking the much-needed counsel of a respected clergy member.
Things are getting convoluted, so let's follow the timeline one more time.
April 17. I send a text message that she doesn't like, asking her to include me on plans with my kids.
Radio silence from Fun Sink
April 23: "PRETTY IS AS PRETTY DOES!!!"
Radio silence from Fun Sink
May 10 (I forgot this part): Husband calls FIL to feel out the situation. FIL says he thinks the texts were "harsh," sides with Fun Sink. Tells husband to call Fun Sink.
May 11: Husband finally works up the courage to call Fun Sink. Tears. False accusations of family dysfunction. Play happens evening of May 11.
May 12: I get a friendly text about the trip to St. Louis. Fun Sink tries to get the girls over there for Friday night dinner, but it doesn't happen.
May 15: I meet with the rabbi; he gets a whole new view of Fun Sink.
Allow me to reiterate that all this is over a text message.
Next time I'll fill y'all in on a little bit of SIL history in recent years, and relay how she fits into the ongoing saga...
To be continued...
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