Twinkle: Part IV—I Am Tired. So Tired.

 So today my husband called his sister. He presented the Nashville plan. She agreed that it was a good idea, and she said it would be fine with her if this was the plan, but it wasn't something she wasn't going to stick her neck out for. I wasn't someone she was going to stick her neck out for. 

He reminded her that we had her back when she moved to Memphis. She said she knew, but she couldn't back us up on this one. It was too risky, and she and BIL didn't want to deal with the fallout with Fun Sink. So that hurt.

Tonight he was finally going to call his parents and talk about St. Louis. We talked about what he was going to say. I was firm that I didn't want them to go, but I asked my husband what his perfect solution would be. I asked him what solution he thought was best going forward. I really tried to listen to his perspective, and be open to his ideas.

He said he thought that if I agreed to let the kids go to St. Louis, it would open up a productive conversation that I want him to have with them about all the issues: communication, my family, my role in the family as a mother, etc. I decided to swallow my pride and be gracious. I decided to agree to let them go to St. Louis, but I wanted it to be presented from the lens of my perspective: that I'm sad when they go to camp, that three days out of those precious two weeks are a lot, that I made a reasonable request, was then frozen out for three weeks, that no one communicated the plan to me, but I was willing to do the gracious thing in the interest of going forward and moving the family past this.

This is not what he conveyed at all. Of course.

I really think the lack of communication is a HUGE part of this family's problem. It's not the only problem—Fun Sink is still a judgy bitch who assumes the worst of everyone, thinks she knows best, and has to control everything—but communication is a huge part of the puzzle.

The way he communicated it to them was not "this is Twinkle's perspective, but she's willing to compromise because she wants to be gracious and heal the family." Instead MIL was like "is there a problem with St. Louis?" And my husband was like, "Twinkle really doesn't want them to go; can we stay here instead and do a night in Nashville instead?" And then they reluctantly agreed to give in to my unreasonable demands, because they will do anything to promote family harmony. Anything. After all, she has tried so hard. SO. HARD. I'm the crazy person, issuing crazy demands again. They are the poor longsuffering martyrs who will do anything—anything—to appease their son's unreasonable wife.

Sigh. 

I am exhausted.