Yesterday my husband finally talked to his sister. She was sympathetic; she gets annoyed with Fun Sink, too.
A few years ago, SIL's husband got a job here. They were going to move here. He was living with my inlaws while the kids finished the schoolyear in Connecticut. She came down on weekends to look for houses and schools. It all looked like it was going to work out...until my SIL's husband got a better job, in Memphis, where his family is from.
So instead of them moving here and all of Fun Sink's dreams coming true, they moved to Memphis instead, essentially choosing his family over hers. It's a shame because I love my niece and nephew. My niece is the only person in this extended family who truly gets me and appreciates my whole fun and frivolous outlook on life. I would have loved to have her live here, but I'm so glad she's a little bit closer than she was when she lived in Connecticut.
I think it was a combination of the Memphis job being better, the terrible schools here (you basically have to go private in this town), the fact that my BIL's family is lovely, and I think that Fun Sink's controlling tendencies also played a role in it.
After they announced that they were moving to Memphis instead, my BIL was still living with them. Fun Sink was terrible to him. She really damaged her relationship with him by the cruel way she treated him, and in doing so she hurt my SIL and damaged that relationship, too. She can't get out of her own way and just let people live their lives...and the irony is that maybe if she could, they would have actually wanted to live here.
During all this, my husband and I had my SIL's and BIL's backs. Our attitude was that they have to live their own lives and make the best decisions for their family. We were nice to them about it. We defended them to Fun Sink. We tried to minimize the drama for their sake to help Fun Sink move on.
So yesterday SIL's advice was...get this. She thinks I should offer to help plan the trip to St. Louis. I'm sure Fun Sink, who has never so much as let me set the table for a family meal would LOVE to let me help plan the fun grandparents' weekend in St. Louis. This would accomplish nothing; I don't want to help plan it. I don't want it to happen. All I want is for them to ask my permission for things like this, and I'd like to be treated like a human being, worthy of basic respect, going forward.
My husband brought up to SIL how Fun Sink never lets me help set up for holidays when the rest of the family is invited to help. SIL said that maybe Fun Sink thinks I'm just offering to help because I think I have to but not because I really want to. I want to explore this more because I think this is a huge reflection on Fun Sink's own psychological makeup. And also...ever hear of assuming the best intentions from someone? But we'll have to unpack that another day because there is just not time for this digression right now.
After my husband and I talked about it, I suggested this plan for the grandparents weekend: two nights here, one day and/or night in Nashville. We can meet SIL in Nashville on both the front and back ends to get her kids here so she doesn't have to drive the whole way. It's a shorter drive for everyone. The family still gets to see each other. I get to feel like I have some say in the situation. I don't have to send my kids away for three days during the short window before they're going to leave for a long stay at camp. We'd present this to Fun Sink as a united front of parents who get to make decisions about their children's plans and lives.
So while we were talking about it, I had my husband send a quick text proposing this plan to SIL and BIL. He laid out the details, I chimed in that we'd help get their kids to and from here so that their drive wasn't too long.
No response.
We had our back when they moved to Memphis, but they want no part of having our back now.
Now you're all caught up. We'll see what happens today...
To be continued...
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